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Aylan

We saw him lying on the sand.
A message from a ravaged land
that begged the planet understand.
An outstretched hand, an outstretched hand.

A red shirt paired with tiny jeans.
More potent than the war machines,
the sea wiped out that baby's dreams.
A mother keens, a mother keens.

A little body oh so still.
A promised life that's come to nil
escaping shattered vale and hill.
The world is ill, the world is ill.

An icon that should activate;
remove the apathetic state,
but still the globe deliberates.
Nought done of late, nought done of late.
.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

As always I'm moved to laugh, cry or think on your poetry.
This feels like an homage to Rula's occasional pieces on the subject.
I watch the news each morning and with the advent of the cell phone I see too much of this personally.
And I take it personally.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I've wanted to write on this since we first saw it.... but I've been dry of late, as you know. This started off as an exercise in a monotetra, and suddenly there it was lol
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

monotetra dear Judy. The image would move the stone as they say, but....a sigh here.
I wrote about the same image but thought yours is much more expressive.
Thank you for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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It's the first monotetra I've attempted....
i really like the form, but i think it needs a serious theme, and I haven't been able to find the right one. I've been wanting to write on this particular theme since it happened, but I've been bereft of muses lately, as you know.
Both wants obviously jelled, for this spilled out while i was just playing with the form.
so glad you liked it.... i remember reading your write and it was beautiful.

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Powerful. Love it

Thank you so very much
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

a great way to break your dry spell! I loved this one and it is superb! I am about to go look up this form, that brought forth such a serious, sober work. Maybe I can write something half as good as this! ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks heaps
i really like the form, I'll be trying another as soon as I think of a theme....
the rules are easy

quatrains in tetrameter,
every verse (line) of each quatrain to rhyme,
fourth verse of every quatrain - last 2 feet repeat the first two feet.
can be as many quatrains as you wish

looking forward to reading your write
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I saw the photo on the news
I remember my own baby
my daughter
whom is still alive and well
but at that age
Remember her clothes
dressing her for our day out
never thinking we would or
might try to make a dash across
a treacherous sea for a better
world...
this child is well dressed
care in clothes and thought
Loved..enough that the mother
father would want them to gave
a better happier life in a freer
land

but the seas rose up
and swallowed their hope
did they make it too freedom
at least even in a physical form?

it was very very sad and distressing
and I saw that
it reminded me of the girl in vietnam
that time whom was our age

and life goes on
like war
and apogees of crises
little angels
with briney halos

thank U !

I nearly cried reading your comment Steve...

Only the father survived. The mother and Aylan's 5 year old brother, Galip, were also drowned. Very sad....

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3219553/Terrible-fate-tiny-boy-s...

(I claim poetic license in my write for the part about the mother keening, as i don't think that men do, do they? Could I have said 'a father keens'?)

Thanks for the read and comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I know many who would.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

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