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Amtrak NJ Transit (Where The Conductors Wear Blue Hats)

We stopped at Yonkers.

I couldn't see the water anymore once we reached the platform
But I could see a man looking out his window
He was talking on the phone
I think it might have been his brother
I didn't feel very good
Maybe it was the terrible coffee
It wasn't really terrible it just needed sugar
My stomach rolled and i was starting to get confused
I thought of how badly i missed you as i always do
How much i'd rather be drinking you instead of kissing this coffee
Then i found this blue pen on the seat next to me
And I wrote this down while watching my coffee migrate across a tray table
And for a moment i forgot about punctuation
and i didn't care because the
bridge looks so pretty in the
fog and i remembered
how she loves my run on
sentences and how one
letter S always has to hide
in the closet but we will
get better and we will pull
through and i realized
that flying is like kissing
you from a great height
and just a second before
you hit the ground you
remember you can fall

or just say stop


but the train kept spinning
and my head kept rolling on.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
a little crazy poem
Editing stage: 


The trick is not remembering you can fall, or at least that you will probably bounce.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

i tried to carry through a theme of confusion; hence the mixed up verbs. i was hoping it would build and get worse throughout but i'm not sure how well that worked :/ maybe i'll get back to this one. eventually :P


author comment

it is the key to my life motto, borrowed from the '70s Japanese series "Monkey"
The nature of Jess is irrepressible.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

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