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ALTERED

My expulsion from the shackles I craved
gave his twisted desires room to devour
A seed your flower, truths buried within
the roots grip unaided beliefs.

Territorial pissing crossing the deep divide
the depravity of the cavity is where unanswered
Questions lie, the innocence of the cry
burning embers expelling the core.

That part of you I can't ignore
twas gripped and torn, familiar
Pattern sworn to secrecy yet
still I know can't let it go.

Have never faltered has
your opinion of me altered,
Growing into pain I seek for
you revenge the unnamed slain.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Comments

hello again ros i hope your keeping well
not sure about this new look of neo lol
cheers for the comment,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

ab fab, a brilliant poem

lou xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

cheers lou you seen this before
cheers for the comment ,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

yes i know

lol

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

hi hope you have being keeping well
I won't be making to many changes
to this one but cheers anyway ,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

I think you have a good first draft here, to me it needs punctuation to
indicate the pauses, to deliver to your reader the way you read it, I may
be wrong but I'm thinking that when you read this aloud there are pauses
that are not pointed out here. The way this reads it seems disjointed to me,
the imagery is good but at the end I'm left wondering what it was about.

Richard

hi there richard hope you've being keeping well
yes punctuation may help but when i do post with
it i get asked why i will amend and ty,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

at least the way i read this one ziggy - am i correct in reading that this describes a great loss???

i just wonder about the last two lines...
'Growing into pain I seek for
you revenge the unnamed slain.'

did you mean that or did you mean either
'Growing into pain I seek for
you revenge (for) the unnamed slain.'

or
'Growing into pain I seek for
you(r) revenge the unnamed slain.'

also just one little typo ' faultered' 'faltered'

awesome write
love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

hi there i know the way i write is a little hidden sometimes
it depends on the theme, the lines you pointed out are as
i wanted but either works really , hope to do a bit of commenting
later i have to drive the kids around now trick or treating with a car
full should be fun lol,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

just so folk know this theme is hidden a little within the words but
if I had to say this is about rape
hope you all have a great weekend ,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
catch up with ye later

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

Sure is lovely to read you once again friend. How are you doing? I felt this a strong write of yours and know you were in a deep mindset as you wrote it. Just catching up with everyone in here again and wanted to tell you this is really nice and I so missed you guy:)
Cheers and love to you

Magics Mona
xoxo

hi mona how the hell are you lol
good to hear from you again
read you shortly ,,,,,,zigs x

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

I entirely missed this one, and only found it after I saw your comment on one of mine.
Another of my 'duh' moments, lol.
I love this poem. I have read it four times now, and each time I get something different, another layer of meaning. That's one of the halmarks of a good poem, to me, that it does not let you settle on one particular set of meaning and emotion.
Wheels within wheels, as it were.
Outstanding poem, Ziggy, welcome back.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

hi, cheers for the comment, I am so glad you see something different
while rereading, that is something i strive for," wheels within wheels "
i like that ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

Zigs,

I see you posted this one. A very powerful, in your face (if you know what it is about) piece of writing.

Full of anger and emotion...it's gritty and aggressive...love it!!

You should be featured as a 'Featured Poet' in the newsletter...I'll see what I can do!!!

Lol!

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

well how do hood , yes this is one i sent you
hope you like my title yes full of anger and
emotion, its great to have your comment
o yes i think i sent you everything way more than
you needed lol , what am i like lmao, cheers for
everything my good man ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment

Zigs,

just wanted to re-read this one again. I am finding this is now officially my favourite poem of yours...until next week when I will undoubtedly change my mind and choose another!

LOL!

HS

--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

cheers , I am glad you like this enough to return
who knows what next week will bring lol, thank you
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

author comment
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