Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
BLEEDING
Once forever then
no more, re-evaluating
what came before.
Time in years
a distant contract
with mortality, static
possibilities still vivid
within passing seasons.
Captured too far along to
be enraptured a legacy that
begs to be beyond the etchings
that mark a spot, a demise not
where this flesh was begot.
My seed the bleeding of this being
the probabilities of the ever after
without conceding.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
lou
Mon, 2011-03-28 16:34
Zigs
I know I read this one, but I wanted to read it again, great stuff.
Love Louise xxxx
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Tue, 2011-03-29 13:24
Zigs
I can't spot typos as im the typo queen LOL !!!!
love Louise xx
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
ziggy
Tue, 2011-03-29 16:45
hi louise
thanks for your input on this one
no worries on the typos this is a workshop
chat soon ,,,,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
author commentHooded Stranger
Tue, 2011-03-29 14:01
Zigs
Zigs,
a couple of typos:
Re evaluating = revaluating (I think)
Possibilty's = Possibilities
This one runs with a fast flow and leaves you breathless. Again, I bow to your non-grammar, which allows lines to run into others with such ease.
All in all, fast, imagery-packed piece of magic!
HS
--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
ziggy
Tue, 2011-03-29 16:12
hi hood
hey there ,I am taking your second correction cheers
not a gram of grammar lol, that said every word becomes
even more important ,, cheers hood ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
author commentHooded Stranger
Tue, 2011-03-29 17:29
Zigs
Zigs,
'Probabilitys in the last stanza should be:
probabilities.
regards,
HS
--------------
Workshops are now open:
http://new.neopoet.com/workshop/find
--------------
With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
ziggy
Tue, 2011-03-29 17:34
o
big red face ,oops ,,cheers
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
author commentziggy
Wed, 2011-03-30 16:43
hi there
hey cheers for the kind words
I can only but try lol, that line
was one of those that came from
seemingly no where ,,,,,,,,,cheers ,,,,,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
author commentCCfire
Wed, 2011-03-30 01:51
I do like the almost
I do like the almost ambiguous feel of this until you bring yourself into it toward the end, the touch of abstract emotions and image in this is strong. I would prefer no 'ing' word ending and I would use 'surrender' but it's a personal thing. This is great freeform.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
ziggy
Wed, 2011-03-30 16:41
hi there
the ending as it is was the focus for this write
I like most have my own style of writing, I am glad you
like this one, I do strive to be a little different lol cheers ,,,,,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2011-04-01 10:55
Dear Bro,
All your striving has labored to produce. And what a production it is! Keep on being you.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
ziggy
Fri, 2011-04-01 16:08
hey cat
hey there cat I hope your feeling better I had no idea till I just read from the comments
LOL yes " all my striving " got there in the end with thanks to the above comments
chat soon sis ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ziggy x
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
author comment