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Four "mind rhymes".

I have a cat
upon a mat
that is too fat
and that…is not salubrious.
It eats the rat
and eats the bat
and leaves the scat
and that…is downright tedious.
Its charm is flat
for such a brat
and will not chat
and that…is just discourteous.
So time this prat
became a hat
that I shall pat
on head and that is surely the end of this small poem.
(prat- buttocks [slang])

Assonance and Consonance

The subject is the crux of writing's rub.
To find a thing distinguished, idiotic,
profound or hollow worthy of the poem
is fundamental and the hardest walk.

That first step unconstrued, misunderstood
will leave the lonely poet lost in muse.
One need but note the evidence evinced
by this bleak, boring botch of training drill.

Argh.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I also used double rhymes and a repetitive rhyme scheme.
Editing stage: 

Comments

It does rhyme, sort of a boring rhyme scheme except for the
"ous" words at the four line mark (which I think I'd put a space
at those, but ... ), and I've never heard the term "prat", seems
rather reaching to me. Not sure why you chose to end it the way
you did, seems you were going to make a dan'l boone cat hat,
which is funny, but a little unclear.

Of course the rhyme scheme you didn't like (boring) is a "repetitive rhyme scheme" (See Wordsworth). Anyway, the point was to use a particular type of rhyme and not necessarily write a really good poem. The last line in each stanza is a "mind rhyme". The line is to run to a point where the reader desires to think in his/her head a particular rhyme and be cheated of it. In this case- "and that is that." The last line was taking it to an extreme. The double rhymes stealing the mind rhymes was because I daren't not rhyme a lime...uh, line. wesley

W. H. Snow

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author comment

deleted as desired

loved

I found the rhyme scheme rather simple, but that just makes the whole poem that much funnier!
I like the way you've broken up the rhythym with the longer lines, without REALLY breaking up the rhythm!
Good one, and I can tell just by reading it that you know your stuff when it comes to rhyme.

Respectfully, Jim

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It's not my word. It's just an old slang term that means someone's backside. So...it was time to turn the cat's ass into a hat. Mostly it was just to use three different kinds of rhyme in one poem. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

...it looks like the etymology is correct. I investigated a strict definition (backside) and slang turns it into asshole. Works for me. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

but not the way you used it. They call someone a prat, not use it as a part of the body. I'm just talking common usage here.
so the lines-
So time its prat
became a hat

could be

This cat's a prat
will be a hat

That would make sense with Richards headgear idea.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

really stretching the -at rhyme,
the mind rhymes clever double weak rhymes
and the final grotesque rhyme.
Elegantly done, good sir!

My favourite grotesque rhyme, learned as a smutty schoolboy-

Asshole
Asshole
A soldier I will be

To piss
To piss
Two pistols at my knee

Fuck you
Fuck you
For curiousity

I'll fight for the old cunt
I'll fight for the old cunt
Fight for the old country

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

of three different schemes. I agree, that the object was to exhibit different ones, but not with the idea that they didn't have to be good. LOL. ~ Gee

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it is never the intention in technical workshops like meter and rhyme to write great poetry. It's playing to learn some tools to take away to use when they feel right.

I would have been happy with lists. To play with it and make something clever and amusing as well is a bonus.

Let's see what you can do Gee, stretching the rhyme styles, not the profundity.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

...and I'm not happy about it. However, that means I'm broaching new ground and Jess is succeeding in shaking my tree.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

You hit all the rhymes I believe you were intending.The way they are written in this poem makes the poem a bit hard to read as it confuses the flow.

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What a mess. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

deleted in all earnestness
as it is out of context

loved

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