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Accounts Payable...

Thinking of all the things doable
the best of them seemed renewable
Like the ones used to avoid catastrophe
the ones of which he had no mastery

For each, he would have given a penny
for each, of which there were many
But he had no salary, this man named Mallory
nor did his wife, name of Jenny

Now he was the object of scorn
in his coat and shoes so worn
In the eyes of the rich
he was down in the ditch
wishing he never was born

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
Hope I got everything you wanted in there, Jess. I tried to incorporate strong, weak, doubles and triples. ~ Gee
Editing stage: 

Comments

beesknees!

There is also some assonance and consonance, but not used enough to achieve its full effect.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

for the bee's knees. I hope they are stronger than mine! LOL Glad I got it right. Cheers yourself, ~ Gee

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author comment

are correct in your asessments. Thank you. I will make necessary adjustments. A little bit of help, from more than one person, makes a lot of help from my friends. ~ Gee xxx

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author comment

but in these technical workshops we crit the forms of poetry, not the poem itself. We can write anything as silly as we like, but just crit the forms of the exercise.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

misunderstood what Rosi said. No big thing, I can't imagine that Rosi would be that crass, and i didn't see that in her comments. Just a misunderstanding. Thank you Rosi for correcting my puncuation and grammar. ~ Gee xxx

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I didn't think you were saying the poem was silly, just wanted to emphasise the crit on rhyme, your comments were valid Rosi and I duly pull my head in.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

is that words are only aboout 30% of what's being said. With tone of voice, eye contact, body language and the ability to reply immediately communication is far more effective. My friends, and I have many, don't even think me a cranky bastard, just an honest, often mischievous, one.

It's perhaps the conciseness of many of my responses that make them seem to lack respect, but it's there, mostly. I suppose I could spend more words being diplomatic and likeable but I reckon most people see the mischievous glint behind my words, and those that don't, well I could try harder or they could. I'm not really here to be popular, just to improve my craft and help others with theirs.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

glad that is settled! Now, thanks to all that gave me honest criticism and helped me make it better. ~ Gee

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment
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