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Haiku : Toothpaste, Senryu: Hiccups

“Haiku : Toothpaste
5/7/5”

Squeezed in the middle
Getting force out of tubing
Awaits your toothbrush

“Senryu: Hiccup
5/7/5”

Hiccup irritates
Ribcage hurting critically
Many times a day

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

i appreciate you suggestion and I have change toothpaste to getting. Does that sound better to you.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

i appreciate the comment. Hiccup can be a pain at times. Funny, do you agree it's cute how people find our accents exciting. lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Cute and original! Most mornings I awake with hiccups. It astounds my hubby.

always, cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Glad you like them. Thanks for reading and stopping I really appreciate.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

We suthernuhs Have no acceint lol. I think you tried to force the Senryu into being a Haiku. Forget counting in it and just write what you want to convey. Liked the hic..cc.c...c...up one.....lol.............stan

for commenting lol
I went to New York many years ago when I was in my early 20's. I was talking to some girls i was staying with and they stop talking . I ask why I'm the only one talking and they said we like your southern accent. I said I didn't know I had a accent lol. i will check closer to see which it is.
i have check and I think I have them labeled wrong

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment
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