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brilliant flames
all you've got
is what burns you
alive making .......................................................life
a blur as it goes up in smoke.
the flames wrap around the stars
your breathing .................................................feeds
the luminious
glow....................................................................a
rhythm of your beating
heart keeps the sparks .................................dancing.
eyes have never seen
such a ...............................................................fire.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
very rough.... yes quite rough. suggestions?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sat, 2012-03-03 16:54
hello Star,
not as rough as you might think. I can find no fault. I liked these lines best:
alive making .......................................................life
a blur as it goes up in smoke.
the flames wrap around the stars
your breathing .................................................feeds
the luminious
glow....................................................................
please do check out my poem titled "Dancers" I think you will like it and I would love to read your opinion and ideas. Thanks.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Starlight
Sat, 2012-03-03 17:01
thank you
:) this means a lot coming from you!
Cloudthings
Sat, 2012-03-03 17:33
Continue the dance
I also found it a very pleasant read, sometimes that's what makes it work. It felt like a gentle exploration... yes a dance of contemplation, so I think, just keep doing more of it is what I would humbly offer.
Cheers
Anni
Cheers
Anni
My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"
Starlight
Sat, 2012-03-03 17:51
thank you
great to hear from you. :) thanks for reading
emogothgirl
Sat, 2012-03-03 19:36
aaaaah
how do you do that? i can't do that. very nice.
always,
mag
Starlight
Sat, 2012-03-03 19:40
haha
i dont know sometimes i just write. :p
Starlight
Sat, 2012-03-03 20:30
thank you
thanks for the encouragement and for reading. :)
lowdownlady
Sat, 2012-03-03 23:06
"all you've got is what burns
"all you've got is what burns you alive"
powerful.
Starlight
Sat, 2012-03-03 23:22
:)
thanks
loved
Sun, 2012-03-04 01:09
your imagination surpasses
the ecstasy of inner's
loved
Starlight
Sun, 2012-03-04 09:43
Thanks:)
for stopping by :)
weirdelf
Thu, 2012-03-08 21:38
love it!
relate so much. I sometimes feel lifes flames are consuming me.
Personally I would expand it to include some of the pain of the heat and being consumed by fire. But maybe I'm a masochist. [grins]
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Starlight
Thu, 2012-03-08 21:44
YESS!
awesoe, JESS LIKES MY POEM that is a good feeling lol.
haha no, your nothing less than genius. :P
thanks for reading
loved
Fri, 2012-03-09 05:24
Sometimes
sometimes I feel, the flames surrounding the form around, make me dwell in moments of ecstasy
and then consume me as in consummation, life's just a flickering flame worth a few seconds only ...ere the flame blows and all is lost in the moment of once having been ,a being , like a scorching feeling petals or wings of butterflies feel....ere they are consumed in it
Such intense is your poetry
it flames me!
loved
Nichole
Tue, 2012-03-13 19:21
SPLENDID
splendid Job you did on this one!!! Love it little sister. Keep up these wonderful writes,
I look forward to each one.
Starlight
Thu, 2012-03-22 16:22
Thanks:)
always awesome to hear from you! :)
Esker
Wed, 2012-03-14 09:06
estatic esoteric enunciations
love the stacking and spacing of this
an interactive peice that forces one to wait
to work a bit in the visual department
reminds me of the art galleries where
exhibits include writing and fonts over
work or photos
love the descripts of this Love message
this pain message
this exhultation of being in that
vortex of passion
to be awake in the dream
and taste smell the senses
just the notations near this
peice and its power in its
presentation can awaken
the rest for me
without it being included in
the descriptions
A marvelous style done well
Thank You!
loved
Thu, 2012-03-15 11:35
So passionately descriptive... it sends electrifying shudders
So passionately descriptive...
it sends electrifying shudders
down the spines of virgins
about to be taken
Love the descript of this Love message
this pain message
this exultation of being in that
vortex of passion
loved
Kailashana2
Thu, 2012-03-15 15:37
You have already been touched
You have already been touched by genius, Seems hardly possible for a 14-yr old, but whoomp there it is!
life
feeds
a
dancing
fire
Perfect!
~Anna
Starlight
Thu, 2012-03-22 16:24
thank you
a bunch! nice hearing from you
Esker
Thu, 2012-03-22 12:55
cold rainy day
re reading some poems
Love fire poems
the ode of action
fave line is
"Eyes have never seen such a fire"
great to read works that are alive
like this..
Thank You!
Starlight
Thu, 2012-03-22 16:23
thank you
i like fire too, so many different ways it can be perceived.
Eduardo Cruz
Thu, 2012-03-22 16:42
Amazing!!
the construction of this poem is brillant, you convey the feeling from words to the readers mind so completly.
the consuming flame seems to travel to both ends of the emotional realm. I am still wondering how someone so young can write this way. You are gifted, I am looking forward to see how your poetry will devolope while you are here at Neopoet.
Eddie
I am truly glad you have come to us.
,,,,
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Starlight
Thu, 2012-03-22 17:01
aww
thanks ! :) encouragement is wonderful. and age is just a label.. :)