Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

hearts for me

i keep my secrets .....................................................folded up
in the red of my heart, where there is no boundry.
You can dream until your bones ache
and dream until your vision blurs.
but my ............................................................................secrets
escape to my skull
where they stomp
and yell
where they........................................................................ beg
to escape.
stupid girl,
keep it contained.
you have.....................................................................this heart
in your pocket and another around your neck.
let your head explode
and hearts will whither
and hearts will bend.
i want.......................................................................................to
unfold my dreams
and lay them out in front of me
but my skull is a jail cell
locked up and those
hearts...................................................................... have the key

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
well that's that. Not very happy with it yet. editing tips would be fabulous.
Editing stage: 

Comments

The heart seems to have its own mind
And if we ware it around our neck
We are even more valnerible to all the aches

You still have so much love and disappointment
To live, but I know that some great poetry
Will come of it.
Very beautiful write, I just don't like the existanded
Lines, but that's just me.

Chicky

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

and the extended lines is just how i write, It just comes to me that way, no idea why. :)

author comment

Is this a dance in words, where you hesitate just like the foxtrot before plunging on?
The only extended word that was disappointing was the 'to,' where the 'folded up'
was so visual and neat. I haven't seen a poem written in this manner before and
am not sure about it either, but leave that to experts to decide.

Interesting poem idea, I shall have to look a little longer to suggest anything.
For now cheers
Nordic cloud.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

thanks for reading. i tend to feel most comfortable writing in this strange an odd form.

author comment

okay. i know being cryptic is oh so much fun, but now i see how annoying it is for everyone else :) you make me wonder!!!
mag

. i make the great magma wonder? hmm imagine that >:)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.