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hangover
My breakfast coffee tastes like drying mud.
I sip and choke and cough, my eyes all tears.
Last night was fun, I wish I could recall
Just what the hell I drank; sure wasn't beers!
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
Tam the Chanter
Fri, 2011-09-09 12:35
meters and feeters
Thanks, Eph . Are we supposed tio crit our own stuff?
Should a small poem be in centimeters?
example; My sister arrived by train and I was centimetre at the station.
TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA
weirdelf
Sun, 2011-09-11 07:47
iamb da DUM
trochee DUM da
small difference, it seems, but changes the whole tone of the verse.
This is what we'll see when we convert our Iambic Pentameters in Trochaic Pentameters. It doesn't take much work, but changes the whole sound.
Anapest and Dactyl are three syllable feet, we'll get to them later.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
wesley snow
Mon, 2011-09-19 18:12
Centimeters!
A pun master. Be afraid. Be very afraid. wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
weirdelf
Sun, 2011-09-11 07:55
excellent, Tam
My break/fast coff/ee tastes/ like dry/ing mud.
I sip /and choke /and cough,/ my eyes/ all tears.
Last night /was fun,/ I wish /I could/ recall /
Just what/ the hell/ I drank/ after/ those beers
just one tiny thing after
See how it breaks the meter?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Sun, 2011-09-11 12:23
yes, it's not an exact science
also Americans stress recall differently to Brits
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
wesley snow
Mon, 2011-09-19 18:15
Being an American...
...I will say that I accent AF- ter thus. I think the other way is unacceptable, but as I explained, I am an American and prone to foolishness as is my entire nation. wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
themoonman
Sun, 2011-09-11 06:19
Hi Ian ...
Sharpened up your meter stick didn't ya,
and had fun doing it, or at least the night
before (lol)
thanks Tam, it seems almost perfect to my
ear.
Kailashana2
Sun, 2011-09-11 08:06
Fun poem on a not-so-fun
Fun poem on a not-so-fun-hangover.
It seems to me that an extra word would make it *sound better*.
,
My breakfast coffee tastes like [[dried out]] mud.
I sip and choke and cough, my eyes all tears.
Last night was fun, I wish I could recall
Just what the hell I drank after [[all]] those beers
~A
I suppose there's a simultaneous need for meter and ear for poetry.
Last night was fun, I wish I could recall
Just what the hell I drank after [all] those beers.
But I know
weirdelf
Sun, 2011-09-11 22:16
nice suggestions Anna
My break/fast coff/ee tastes/ like dried/ out mud.
I sip /and choke /and cough,/ my eyes /all tears.
Last night /was fun,/ I wish /I could/ recall
Just what /the hell/ I drank /after all/ those beers
but hear how the break in meter in the last line still jarrs slightly to the ear?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Sun, 2011-09-11 10:51
damn
keep getting double posts when I use advanced formatting for the Bold function
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
wesley snow
Mon, 2011-09-19 18:17
or...
"after that beer." wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
scribbler
Sun, 2011-09-11 10:47
hi
Hope ya'll don't mind me dropping in. This poem pretty clearly illustrates the play and pay thing lol. Seems all these technical terms being used are simply words used to describe different orders of accented syllables. Like all trades a language has been brought into being in order to describe in one word what might take a paragraph to convey in plain language. Like in construction, one could say a vertical spaced support member contained within a wall which bears a load from above. Or simply wall stud.................stan
weirdelf
Sun, 2011-09-11 10:50
onya mate
that's precisely why I'm using the terminology. It doesn't take much to learn and it's more concise and precise in expression
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Tam the Chanter
Sun, 2011-09-11 17:00
dum-dum
Just what the hell I drank; sure wasn't beers!
Or is it something else?
Ian
TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA
wesley snow
Mon, 2011-09-19 18:23
Okay, I agree big time with Jess on this one.
When I taught dance and as I teach horseback riding, the terminology is critical so I don't spend inordinate amounts of time trying to explain (as Scribbler superbly did) a simple concept. The terms allow us to skip through lengthy explanations quick so that we may discuss what is important. Like art.
The concepts being discussed in this workshop are essential to ANY poet be he the lowest free verse addict or the most high born traditionalist (did I let something slip there?).
I'm in it for the long haul.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
Tam the Chanter
Fri, 2011-09-23 08:05
hangover
Another futile attempt, I fear.....................
Breakfast consists of coffeee, might it take
Taste of a skunk's ass from my dried-out tongue?
Have I been licking armpit of a snake?
Or sucking Voodoo juice for far too long?
TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA
weirdelf
Fri, 2011-09-23 08:20
don't do both 'hangover' and 'the corner shop' mate
this is a tough exercise, just focus on one of them.
Did you see my comment on the workshop page about gerunds and present participles?
Also Google 'trochaic meter examples'
it's the stress at the start and unstressed at the end of the line that gives trochaic it's distinctive sound
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry