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Good riddance
Jagged incision
Without precision,
or medical intervention
Bloody red gash
Sliced into wrist,
Oozing the vital fluid.
Losing the will to live,
losing consciousness
Fuck this world.
Good riddance
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I warn those that are cluless to ignore this poem, fuck with me at your peril, I've had enough shit.
Editing stage:
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Comments
lou
Fri, 2011-03-04 23:37
Bee
Thanks
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
scribbler
Fri, 2011-03-04 22:01
hi lou
Could well be the last thoughts of a suicide. As to shit, I keep a small bag of dried bullshit handy so I don't have to take any from others lol................scribbler
lou
Fri, 2011-03-04 23:35
Stan
I love you, I think you're great.
Much love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
magics02
Fri, 2011-03-04 23:42
Hi Lou
How are things going in here. Missed reading all of you and just stopping in and seen this the first post. I will try to get on this weekend and write something.
Hope all is well by you
Love and miss you
Magics
lou
Fri, 2011-03-04 23:44
Hi darling
I'll pm you
Love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Sat, 2011-03-05 05:59
Sweetie
Thank you , as always a lovely comment.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
KINGZOMBIE
Sat, 2011-03-05 05:09
Love the darkness
I love the darkness of this write, it probably is the last scene of many lives.I loved it lou,
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"For what is it to die, But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?"
lou
Sat, 2011-03-05 06:02
KZ
Thank you, some would say that I should lighten up LOL !!!!
Love Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Sat, 2011-03-05 06:22
Joe
Thank you , it's a mixture of personal feelings and fiction.
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Sun, 2011-03-06 03:56
xena
thank you
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-03-08 11:28
Dear Lou,
In these lines:
Jagged incision without
Without precision,
I think it would read better without one of the "without"(s)
A chilling little write. I think it would be interesting if you recorded a thought from the last moment of action, such as:
Last moment of hope
All has come before
Desperation brings clarity
or something like that,
This is a good piece of depressing poetry.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Tue, 2011-03-08 12:58
Cat
thank you
i'll give it some thought.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!