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It's Paradise In the Country
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
Brick homes, timed sprinklers.
Plush green foliage, free flowing ponds.
Frogs singing nonstop.
It's a peaceful time in this country neighborhood.
If only the world was like this everywhere, everyday.
Quietness, birds chirping in the treetops.
It's music to my ears, heart and soul.
Paradise was put in us from the beginning of creation.
Editing stage:
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Comments
alidzain
Wed, 2016-04-20 12:46
Hi Barbara
good one.
Alid
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2016-04-21 19:03
Alid
Thanks for the read. I appreciate that
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Keith Logan
Thu, 2016-04-21 07:19
Hello Barbara
I like this very much, it concurs so much with my own way of thinking. One tiny nit, may just be the way I read it but I would swap the first two words of the second stanza.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
Barbara Writes
Thu, 2016-04-21 19:05
Keith
Thanks for reading and the suggestion. I'm not sure homes brick works for me. I think maybe bricked homes.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Keith Logan
Fri, 2016-04-22 02:33
2nd verse
not 2nd line
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2016-04-22 09:50
Oh
Yeah like a light bulb that went off in my head it does read better
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Rula
Thu, 2016-04-21 14:34
hello Barbara
The last line says it all!!
Thank you for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Barbara Writes
Thu, 2016-04-21 19:20
Rula
Thanks for the read critique. Glad you like it. The last line made it special for me too
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community