some think of themself as inadequate
useless as a bucket of spit

some think of themself as the greatest thing since
Ben and Jerry's double mocha chip

they are dead wrong
you know it
I know it

this leads me to believe
any assessment of self is suspect
at best

bucket of chicken
pail of coke
tub of lard

http://www.facebook.com/pages/An-African-Legend-Series/190635457646949

A contest and competition for the endangered lions is on facebook..I'd hope someone would take up some interest in submitting some poetry for this endangered species and the work to save them

thunderheads shake
tornados rattle
tumbleweeds roll

spit it out
do it fast and frantic
rant and rave
Kerouac the mother
slap your hot naked words down
like a drunken tyrant
smash your way on to the page

a bedlam structure
of bloody tarnation
segregation
elitism

ferocious roars
of highly imagined
atrocities
to be heaped upon those
who huff and puff against
this crushing rockhead of ages

papist smears
laying prostrate
millions of the gullible
hear ye
hear ye
he (we) will destroy all
but the Bethlehem box of rightousness

his universe
your tomb
in chains
no other way

so say these Bethlehem designed scaffold jockeys
from an ingenious structure of lies

remains of the day
ceremoniously discarded
at twilight's door

a glass of boubon
exiling the extraneous
'til night is no more

the dark calm
ignites a parallel world
I hope to explore

refreshing
recapitulating
a long lost chord

Rapture - Linda Hogan

Rapture

When we make a specific suggestion for correction it is good to quote the line and add the correction in [brackets].

When you re-write someone's poem it becomes very hard to compare the original to the critique. In fact it should never be done unless in extreme cases and you better be pretty bloody confident.

Please think about how your comment can be compared to the original by the poet.

cheers
Jess

pennies pinched
red hot
roaring steel
hissing
squealing

thrilling
the danger of closeness

let's do it again!
here comes the local
who will be doomed this round
a nickle
a dime
quarters are out of bounds
tucked away
for the thirsty walk home
and recap