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Storytelling in Verse (sempiternal): The Ballade

Status: 
Program description/goal: 

Description: To write a Ballade

Leader: Wesley
Moderator(s): Alid

Objectives: To explore a classical form and produce one.

Level of expertise: Open to all

Subject matter: The ballade is the hardest form I know. The shop will study and try to write a 14th century example.

Length: 
90 days
Number of participants (limit): 
5 people
Skill level: 
Date: 
Sunday, November 1, 2015 to Thursday, December 31, 2015
Short description: 
The shop will be introduced to the ballade, its history, form and production.

Comments

The conversations may begin now. I will post the opening discussion (official) in a few days. It will mostly concern the ballade's history and "The Argument".
I am happy with the participants and the workshop size.
One or two more would be welcome. If you think of anyone who might be curious let them know about the shop.
I can only guarantee one thing: it will be hard.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

this sir!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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I don't think you realize just how hard this form is. You will have to tell a story within a very strict structure.

Everyone beware.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

This is me reporting in. Looking forward to learn as we explore this new type of poem. ''Salute!''

Alid

There will be a fair amount of history shared as we will be writing a classic Ballade (14th century).

"A Ballade is a form of verse, often a narrative set to music. Ballades derive from the medieval French chanson balladée or ballade, which were originally "dancing songs". Ballades were particularly characteristic of the popular poetry and song of the British Isles from the later medieval period until the 19th century and used extensively across Europe and later the Americas, Australia and North Africa.

Many ballades were written and sold as single sheet broadsides. The form was often used by poets and composers from the 18th century onwards to produce lyrical ballads. In the later 19th century the term took on the meaning of a slow form of popular love song and is now often used for any love song, particularly the pop or rock power ballad."

“A broadside (also known as a broadsheet) is a single sheet of inexpensive paper printed on one side, often with a ballad, rhyme, news and sometimes with woodcut illustrations. They were one of the most common forms of printed material between the sixteenth and nineteenth centuries, particularly in Britain, Ireland and North America and are often associated with one of the most important forms of traditional music from these countries, the ballade.”
Lucie Skeaping

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Thank you sir!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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then we'll start. Everyone needs to check in. Could someone help Joan? I tried, but she's still not here. I'll get Stan.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Hey I'm here now

I seem to recall you accusing me of accidentally coming very close to writing a ballade once. It will be interesting to see just how close I got..........stan

We will be writing a very strict 14th century form. The High form of the Ballade when it reached its pinnacle of artistic excellence and popularity (although it was pretty popular in the 19th century).
The Ballade is a French form, though oddly enough the French didn't care for it so much, but the English took the format and ran with it.
Coming up... more information... then we will begin.
I believe everyone is gathered, so I needn't wait for the official starting point.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

We are a bard (a singer, a dancer, a magician, a performer) and we are hungry. We travel to a little town (as we always do) looking to trade our skills for room and board for a time. We have a great “Ballad” prepared, but we must sell the story first if we will be able to draw them back to the Inn.

And so our “Ballade”, a short, infinitely sophisticated piece of work that tells a story or perhaps teases a story to be told.
That is what we will write and we will write in a 14th century poetic form.
Now, this is important and the reason this workshop is being held in Storytelling in Verse.
A Ballade must tell a story or tease a story to come. There must be a tale to enter in to.

Next, I will begin. 

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Sounds very very hard!!!

The harder it is, the more effort you put into it,the better you'll become. What doesn't kill your urge to try will only make you stronger.

Alid

You know what, in spite of what I told you, I AM worried after I read the description lf a ballade. lol. The sonnet is already one big headache to write, the ballade, well that's a higher mountain to climb. I'll try my best.

Alid

Take your time.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe it has two words in large, glowing print:

DON'T PANIC!
My conversation will settle soon and get to nuts and bolts. You can do this.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

True! Funnily enough I watched that movie last week!

with a little more history thrown in.

“In its regular conditions a ballade consists of three stanzas and an envoi; there is a refrain which is repeated at the close of each stanza and of the envoi. The entire poem should contain but three or four rhymes, as the case may be, and these must be reproduced with exactitude in each section. These rules were laid down by Henri de Croi, whose L'Art et science de rhétorique was first printed in 1493, and he added that if the refrain consists of eight syllables, the ballade must be written in huitains (eight-line stanzas), if often syllables in dizains (ten-line), and so on.”

This is the type of the ballade in its most elaborate and highly-finished form, which it cannot be said to have reached until the 14th century. It arose from the canzone de ballo of the Italians, but it is in Provençal literature that the ballade first takes a modern form. It was in France, however, and not until the reign of Charles V., that the ballade as we understand it began to flourish. Instantly it became popular, and in a few years the number of these poems was incalculable.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

The Ballade consists of three eight line stanzas followed by a four line envoy. Twenty eight lines in all.

The last line of the first stanza reappears as the last line of each succeeding stanza.

The rhyme scheme (there is most definitely a rhyme scheme. Remember, a ballade was sung) is "a-b-a-b-b-c-b-C" for the principal stanzas and "b-c-b-C" for the envoy.

We will write in iambic pentameter, although other meters can be used. We will follow the path well trod as it is easier.

Now the hard part and why this workshop is being held in Storytelling in Verse: The Ballade.
The sole purpose of the Ballade is to tell a story. Obviously a tight and short little story as we only have three stanzas and an envoy. Nevertheless, a Ballade without a storyline is like music without a melody. It can be done, but why listen to it.

There is one and only one exercise: to write a 14th century Ballade under the rules I have set down.
Make it a habit to post your rough drafts. Beginnings, pieces. You may write the ending first (I do that all the time)… don’t wait to get the rest of it put together. Post what you have, so we can help you.
Any questions and I am there.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

the same as envoy?

The refrain is the repeating line at the end of each stanza. The envoy is four extra lines at the end of the poem. b-c-b-C is the rhyme scheme.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Are we allowed to write this ballade in modern day english, whilst sticking to the rules you have outlined? Thanks joan.

to be a lot more difficult than it appears at first glance. Are we to start writing now?

Thou need'st not speak in a foreign language.

Stan, I would start now. No hurry.
When we have all finished we will post to The Stream and see what the world thinks.
Yes, I told you it would be hard.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

This is Storytelling in Verse: The Ballade.
The poem must tell a story or tease a story to be told. We are bards and we are hungry. Sell the thing... make me want to hear more.

Storyline is paramount.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

What do you mean by "tease" a story?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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I have a big story I want to tell you, but you're not sure you want to take the time. What do I do? I tell you a little bit of the tale. I tell you what you're going to get if you listen to my story.
And I do it in three stanzas and an envoy.
My Ballade is a tease.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I think I have a start...here goes, only four lines so far.. opinions please, Joan

It is forty summers past since he died
although to his family, Rowan lives on.
so many long days and dark nights they cried
for the life of a brave soldier now gone.

It is not in iambic pentameter. Go back to the last workshop and the work you did there. It was correct.
Your first line is mostly trochee. An iamb is an unstressed syllable followed by an accented syllable.
"It is" is trochaic. The first syllable is accented, the second not. It could go the other way expect "forty" is also trochaic. You're trapped. The rest of the line is trochaic except the last foot which is anapest.
Read it out loud. It should sound like da-DUM, da-DUM, da-DUM. Force the rhythm and you will find many words sounding strange.
Don't give up. We're just getting started, but try again.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

a chance to go deer hunting this weekend so it will be Sun evening before I'm back (unless I get lucky......No , not THAT kind of lucky lol..........stan

Actually have lost my mojo for poetry - have been dropping in now and then to read stuff and try to raise some enthusiasm in my heart - to no avail

But i have wanted to do this WS since you first mentioned it ages ago .... can i join even if i can't promise I'll be able to deliver?

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

We're just getting started. We're laid back here, so don't be in a hurry.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

But not sure this will be the story I end up writing. Just attempted a stanza of the first story I could think of...

Edited....
No longer only a start .... I did get carried away - chose the wrong rhyme for c.... found it hard to find pure rhyme.... would love some suggestions .... have also used a same rhyme twice :(
also, had to change the refrain slightly in the third stanza - lol I know that you're going to say it's not allowed ....

My aunt was standing on the table top
while screaming out an eardrum-piercing tone.
My mum held high aloft a dirty mop
and tried to call my father on the phone.
She yelled at us to leave the door, and moaned,
'All stay outside.' - She was in such a state
of increased female-form testosterone,
the day the snake was hiding in the grate.

Of course, we kids were too intrigued to stop.
We wished to see now, was this snake a brown?.
To get a better view we'd jig and hop.
We crowded at the door, and made Mum frown.
She waved the mop and threatened broken bone.
If dared we come a step inside, our fate
would be much worse than anything we 'd known,
the day the snake was hiding in the grate.

My Dad was busy checking sheep and crop
so t'was a time before he turned up home,
and meanwhile Mum and Aunt, about to drop
from fear and near exhaustion, stood alone.
When Dad arrived he said in undertone,
'The thing has gone beneath the house I'll rate.
No doubt it slithered underneath the stone,
for there's no snake now, hiding in the grate.'

The situation drew from us a groan.
A serpent lurked beneath in deadly wait.
Not one of us was keen to sleep alone
the day the snake was hiding in the grate.

love judy xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Slightly changing the last line is completely acceptable. Even desirable. Usually it will be the last line of the envoy, but that's not in granite.
This did indeed have a story line. This is a Ballade.
Well done.
Now go help others the way you do.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Could you explain the above 'hard way' ....
do you mean that if we write in pentameter, then each stanza should be ten verses long?
How long is the envoy to be in that case, is it always 4 verses....

Also, is there a speciality re the envoy, as with the volta in the sonnet? - what part is it supposed to play?

I was suprised that this spilt out - lol i thought i was dry....
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

so I can't answer.
To the envoy: yes it is four verses long. It should offer the resolution to the story.
It does not require a "turn" as in the sonnet.
Each stanza is eight verses long, three verses, an envoy. Your repeating line is correct even with the slight change which is common. Don't however, change another as you'll screw with the repetition of the verse.

Yours is a stellar example.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

I knew this workshop would motivate your appetite for writing, so welcome back dear.
There IS absolutely a story. Funny in most of its parts and exciting for sure for kids.
You know where you went wrong, so I think we must wait for the revisions. There are two or three places where I thought meter isn't as strict as it should be. Again I will wait until you decide the changes.
Enjoyable as always

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Glad you had faith in my motivation
i was really suprised that this popped out lol
lovely to see you again
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

"We crowded at the door, and made Mum frown.
She waved the mop and threatened broken bone."

Rhyme? A little close there. I forgive you.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Yes - brown and frown - I said i picked a hard to find rhyme for c .... i meant b.....
thanks for the forgivness :)
Do I also get away with the two 'alone's lol- probably not
I could change
'from fear and near exhaustion, stood alone' to
'from fear and near exhaustion, watched the zone'
(but I don't really like it)
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Thanks wesley. I'll start again. Tis proving difficult!

the iambic pentameter throughout. That's the first thing you're aiming for. A consistent meter (iambic pentameter).
Give me one line. The opening line and let's talk about it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

I got the first two stanzas and go ???? with the rest. I have the story but don't know how to do the rest, following the meter and rhyme scheme...What do you think?

The poison from the lips of men have spread
Their gentle words are fully crafted lies,
deceiving elves who think they'll share their bread
when they have schemes beyond the throw of dice.
The greed of King of men is cutting ties,
he wants to see the orcs and elves to fight,
to be the pawns he'll send to Land of Ice.
Beware! The hands that strike within the night!

The seeds of doubts will cause the blood to shed.
A priest of truth, he weeps for peace that dies.
Almor, the wise, has seen the land turns red
and men will ride to fill the air with cries
of weaken fools they'll kill to feed the flies.
He sees it when his soul has taken flight
but none will heed his words and call to rise.
Beware! The hands that strike within the night!

In truth I want to tell the story which reveals how the dark elves came to be. The elves were betrayed by the humans who has caused the war between them and the orcs. By the time the truth is revealed, their numbers are too little to stop the humans from invading their lands. The greatest warriors turned from the Healer's Way to embrace the Dark Path, losing their abilty go heal through magic in exchange for speed, dark magic and invisibility. To their enemies, they are hybrids, to their race, they are heroes who fought to free their lands.

Alid

One little nit -- 'dice' and 'ice' are not true rhyme for
'lies ties dies cries flies and rise'....

All iambic pentameter except
when they | have SCHEMES |

Soggestions
when schemes are hatched beyond the elfin eyes
and
to be the pawns he sends and then denies

Good story
and as for your call for help for the final stanzas.... you seem to have things under control to finish the story - was that an older post? If you still need help, let me know

Meanewhile I'll assist with the grammar....

He wants to see the orcs and elves to fight,
is not good English
it would better read
he wants to cause the orks and elves to fight

The seeds of doubts will cause the blood to shed. ...( usually doubt - but i actually like it as pleural, and there is no reason why it can't be)

Almor, the wise, has seen the land turns red !...(turn red)

of weaken fools they'll kill to feed the flies.... (i think it should be be weakened)

Great story and well written Alid
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

The poison from the lips of men have spread
Their gentle words are fully crafted lies,
deceiving elves who think they'll share their bread
when schemes are hatched beyond the elfin eyes
The greed of King of men is cutting ties,
he wants to cause the orcs and elves to fight,
to be the pawns he sends and then denies
Beware! The hands that strike within the night!

The seeds of doubts will cause the blood to shed.
A priest of truth, he weeps for peace that dies.
Almor, the wise, has seen the land turn red
and men will ride to fill the air with cries
of weakened fools they'll kill to feed the flies.
He sees it when his soul has taken flight
but none will heed his words and call to rise.
Beware! The hands that strike within the night!

The lords of orcs and elves begin to fade,
their lives are forced to end by human spies.
The grief and rage are spawned, they raised their blades
and then the battle starts before sunrise.
Almor, he leaves to search for elves' allies
to save his people from the grip of blight
but all his deeds can't stop the battlecries.
Beware! The hands that strike within the night!

Almor returns with dwarves of Lorthanhise
but all is lost, the elves are stripped of rights
He wants revenge and forms the Nivais
to be the hands that strike within the night!

Alid
This elf is going to bed. Will see your suggestions for edits later!

Tell part of the story - the first chapter - the battle not the war so to speak- in the next stanza, and then use the envoi to lure the audience with more to come.
Just be sure there's enough story that it can stand on its own, if that makes sense...

Remember, you want them down at the inn later to buy you ale and beef in chunky bread, in payment for your entertaining them with the full version.....

Xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Thank you Judy. It doesn't have to finish. It can be a tease for a greater story. A bard's gotta eat. You want to bring them back. Give us just enough to make us want more.

Stan... read this.
No the refrain is not the same as the envoy. The refrain is the repeating line at the end of each stanza. The envoy is the four extra lines at the end of the three stanzas. It has its own rhyme scheme: b-c-b-C.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Fantasy. You had me there. l note some meter problems, but you need to find them yourself.
By my standards, this is a ballade. Post it to The Stream.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Don't stop now. Hit the third verse and don't forget the envoy. You have some little problems, but they can be fixed as Judy has said. Listen to her.
What you have so far is good.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

The beginning of your story is good also.
However, your rhyme scheme is off. You used couplets throughout and the rhyme scheme is:

a-b-a-b-b-c-b-C (the capital means the repeating phrase).
This is true for all three stanzas with the envoy being: b-c-b-C (again the capital is the repeating verse.
Stay with the first stanza and fix the rhyme scheme. I think you can without tearing the poem to shreds.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

A question.The is the 'c' also the same verse as the ''C''? Its only the first stanza so I don't understand the mistake if the 'c' only needs to rhymd and not the same verse. I'll come back for it another time.

Alid

The "a", "b" and "c" sounds are the same in all three stanzas. Meaning you only have three rhyme sounds in the entire poem. The "a" sound in stanza one is the same "a" sound in stanzas two and three.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

we only have three rhyming sounds throughout.

a-b-a-b-b-c-b-C

That's all the rhyme you get to use. They are the same through all three stanzas. "a" is still "a" in all of the stanzas.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

But I've no real inspiration for a write until November's competition is announced, so I tried my hand at another of these xxx

He saw her dancing through the fields one Spring,
a girl so fine of bone and fair of face.
Enraptured when he listened to her sing
he had no choice but take her to his space -
the child of Zeus and wife, Demeter's, grace -
to fall beneath the pomegranate's spell.
One needs know love to understand the case
when Hades took Persephone to Hell.

Demeter was heartbroken. Here's the thing -
she roamed the lands to seek her daughter's chaise,
and everywhere she went her pain would cling,
for, of Persephone, there was no trace.
Her torment wove a cold destructive lace.
Throughout the lands, perpetual winter fell.
A holocaust near wiped out every race,
when Hades took Persephone to Hell.

When finally Demeter learned the King
of Hades caused her baby girl's disgrace,
she disavowed the flowers' blossoming
until her child's return to proper place.
With grief so strong, the world she'd soon deface,
a deal was made - Persephone would dwell
for half a time above in Spring's embrace -
when Hades took Persephone to Hell.

The Spring and Autumn we can watch and trace
present the truth I came by here to tell -
those seasons never meet and interlace,
'cos Hades took Persephone to Hell.

....

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I remember I read the story somewhere a while ago. I like the way you put it.

I am not sure about the meter in

Demeter was heartbroken. Here's the thing -
A holocaust near wiped out every race.
Also "chaise" is a near rhyme with face, place,...etc.

and I especially liked the envoy.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I parse those verses as

de - MET | - er WAS | heart - BROK | - en. HERE'S | the THING -
a HOL | -o -CAUST | near WIPED | out EV | - ry RACE

'chaise' is only near rhyme when written, it is pure rhyme in sound (I think lol)
I'm hoping it is allowed for oral narrative. Wes might let me know....

Thanks for the read and thoughts
love judy
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

was is non-stressed and is located between a non stressed beat and a stressed one. I read heartbroken as HEART- bro-ken

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Seems you're correct ... HEART-brok-en.... oh well.... even the greats cheated
it still reads smoothly to me - there is an emphasis on the 'b' after the 't'...... and I tend to make the 'heart' sound go up then bring the 'broke' down, if you know what I mean....
:)

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Oh Rick was young, so full of hopes and dreams.
A boy, not quite a man, a son, a beau
A lad who lived for bikes and mates and schemes
He rode for life, for fun, to fly and flow
His light was bright, his heart was there on show.
So hard he tried to ride his ghosts away
A phantom freak behind the headlamps glow
the need to race, survive and seize the day.

So high in southern skies the moon did gleam
on Rick, who rode with peers and girls in tow.
In leather, boots and chains, a gang, a team,
this loyal bunch of kids with seeds to sow.
A life lived fast and full, not dull nor slow
No rules, no fear, no cares, no debt to pay.
One mind on fire so hot and deep below
the need to race, survive and seize the day.

A year it passed of days that sped full steam
when Rick had visions clear, of fate and foe.
He told his mum he wouldn't leave his teens.
So Rick, uneasy, feared the final blow.
A cloud so dark, that warned of storms to grow,
did drain his chi and made him numb and fey.
A fight for life, no strength, nor urge to show
the need to race, survive and seize the day.

In June he rode alone, no place to go.
A mile from home a crash did end the way
a gang so loved by Rick, did cease to know
the need to race, survive and seize the day

I have problems with only three verses
I've parsed them ....

he was | so YOUNG | so FULL | of HOPES | and SCHEMES
first foot is pyrrhic

OIL SMELLS | and LEATH | - er COATS | were in | his D | n A.
first foot is spondee, fourth is pyrrhic
dna is said in three syllables dee-en-aye, which makes the verse hexameter (6 feet)

As is bsa in the following (nice iambic, but not pentameter)
At NIGHT | all ROUND | - a BOUT | he RODE | his B | s A

I hope this is of help
Interesting start to your story - looking forward to reading the rest
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

2nd line, ''not quite'' are both stressed word so it messed up the meter. Remeber an iambic meter is described as ''unstressed, stressed'.

Alid

I don't emphasise the 'not' when I read line 2....
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

sometimes I get confused, you know. I tend to judgie the stressed words with the aid of a dictionary for each of them so that's why I'm having the disadvantage in using meter. I don't know when to use the stressed word as unstressed and ''not quite'' is just one good example. As a result, I took a long time to write it following the meter in my poems. It has always been my weaknesses apart from my tenses and I don't know how to rectify it.

Alid

Being from a non - english background
i admire you greatly for your obvious grasp of meter .... and for the work you have put into learning it

And you are correct as there would be a little emphasis on the 'not'
i just feel it would be a small one and thus one can 'get away' with it so to speak...

Monosyllabic words can often be stressed or unstressed, depending on where they are within the sentence. English is a fickle language lol....
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

it was already iambic pentameter .... but whatever you've changed it is still spot on.... next stanza please :)
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

One tiny nit in one verse
IN -stincts | on FIRE | so HOT | and DEEP | be - LOW
first foot trochee

Also
'not dull or slow'
I think correct grammer is ' not dull nor slow'

Great story - holds interest....
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

thanks again Judy. I hope its fixed now. writing to strict rules kinda restricts ones flow!

It's beautiful. There are a few glitches, but don't sweat them. Don't edit. Write the third stanza with the same intensity. DON'T play with what you have. Go on. You have to finish "the story". There must be some sort of resolution even if it leads to a possibility of more to come.
A third stanza AND a four line "envoy". The last word.
While you are "hot" go on.
This is wonderful. I knew you could do this.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

First of all, the stanza works beautifully save the line below. We have some meter problems here. Large ones.

"So Rick, became uneasy, and feared the final blow."
How about-
"So Rick, uneasy, feared the final blow."

Here's your pickle:
What you have written is a beautifully constructed exposition and complication (remember, this must be a story). But now you need a climax and some sort of resolution. And you have four lines to do it in. I, of course, see that he dies. You may have different ideas, but whatever happens to him must match the intensity you have already created.
Does this make sense?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

thanks Wesley. I see the complication! I'm hoping four lines will be enough...
I used the change you suggested, thankyou again.

I don't think ''beau'' rhymes with ''grow''. Other than that its perfect.

Alid

Thanks judy. Still stuffing up! Ill try again.

Doing well Joan.
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Well! Life has patched her dreams with dark nightmares
that filled the mighty void with awful tears,
and now her dreary days would fly to where,
where nothing seems unpack her later cheers.
Though life for long has been so fair and dear;
this mom has lived in peace, and peace has brought
what God has oft to gift and bless for years,
but cheers, oh cheers! Now cheers are almost naught.

Like Hell the phantoms barraged the earth and air,
and furious demons stilled the children's screams.
The walls and holes become the graves that care
for shattered bodies, bloody stains and wears.
She called, She cried, but echoes backed so clear,
"Salam has gone", "your baby's gone", was all she got.
Salam has gone. No way the mom would hear
the cheers, oh cheers! Now cheers are almost naught.

With cruel hands Salam was killed out there,
although she had ambitions 'like her peers
Salam was always brave, she never scared,
she had king Arthur's dreams and late king Lear's.
She wished her name to ring around the spheres,
Salam believed and had the faith, no doubt
that evilness would never win or near,
but cheers Oh cheers! Now cheers are almost naught.

Salam the baby's gone, but we'll adhere
to thoughts, her smiles, the hope she often sought.
Salam the baby's gone, but still we're here,
Oh cheers now cheers would never be a naught.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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"Salam" is the Arabic equivalent for "peace" and a girl's name.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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Just a few things I've noted.,,,...
MIGHT - mares .... trochic

like HELL | the PHANT | - toms BARR | -aged the | EARTH and | AIR,

with CRUEL | HANDS sal | - AM was | KILLED out | THERE

Salam was always brave, she never scared
Better english would be
Salam was always brave, was never scared

she had | KING ARTH | - ur's DREAMS | and LATE | KING LEARS
(But i like this verse and am sure Wes will allow the two trochee)

Love this very much
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I have to think of an alternative for "nightmare"

"barraged" may be "burst"?

cruel | cru-el| two syllables, so I thought
with CRU| el HANDS | SA lam |was KILLED | out THERE

and yes, I hope sir Wesley will let me go with this verse :)

Many thanks for the time and the comment

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Barraged is fine if you just drop the 'the' before 'earth'

Can you tell me how you pronounce 'salam'
I put the emphasis on the 'sal' ....

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

for me the emphasis is on 'lam' in 'salam'

Alid

It is more on the second syllable.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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It is I see, but they both seem equally stressed when I say it
The stress is much stronger in 'shalom'
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I think you need it - it is appropriate for the theme,...
How about something like
Well! Life has patched her dreams with nightmares' lair
???

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I like "nightmare" as a word too. Thank you dear. Your suggestion sounds great.
Thank you Judy!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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This kills me. I watch it everyday on the morning news in some form or another. All over the world extremists are killing my people.
The ballade is marvelous. The refrain is haunting AND you followed all the rules... Not so hard huh?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
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author comment

But you know? You've brought out everything I want to say through this ballade. I always wanted to cry and shout these words.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I think it is the perfect form for it. It is truly, tragically beautiful. And all too real to me here on the other side of the world.
I live in a neighborhood where no one bears arms, there are no explosions, no one has ever shot at me. No one has ever brandished a gun in my face. I don't know anyone that this has happened to.
I live in peace and grace.

Now, earthquakes... that's a different danger. Did you know I drive over the San Andreas fault several times a week. It is the largest, most active fault in the world. There is danger everywhere, but I hate it that yours is so immediate.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
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author comment

Still not right! But hopefully itll get there

In what you are trying to say?
Becauuse it is iambic pentameter, and the rhyme scheme is spot on
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I thought there may be something in this for me to try,
no sooner I read iambic, for cover my cold feet ran
the sooner I reach a glade, sooner I would hide
in shadows of those bushes, my eyes would run dry
no matter how hard I tried, the nightmares give me fright
of when I tried a sonnet and never got it right

I might as well peek here from time to time I guess
this ballade shop ain't right for me, I ought to confess

lol,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Raj.
Never give up though :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Hey, you and Judy were not supposed to read this :)

raj (sublime_ocean)

let's see how badly I can mess up

JOURNEY'S BIRTH

Steady rain from deep sleep wakens me
bearing echoes from the distant past
repeating messages low and patiently
until their stories at last are passed
as if some ancient spell just cast
through a rift or tear in time and space
that opens up then closes fast
telling me its time I leave this place.

Listening to these quiet echoed voices
rising from my bed I must embrace
a single one of all these varied choices
stern determination line my sleepy face.

One urgent whisper calls me off to war
another urges me toward a gentler trail.
Wealth call me with it's rich implore
as if its path won't ever fail
and shan't bleed my should and leave it pale
for others seek this self same path
all seeking that bitter brassy holy grail
leaving broken lives in their aftermath.

Following which of those quiet voices,
toward which goal should I leave my trace?
Does redemption lies in all the choices?
Which destination leads to peaceful grade?

One echo sounds about all of the others
telling me which ancient path to take,
that of my fathers' and my mothers
from beyond time's wide deep lake,
a journey which may well hold heartbreak
to a destination just barely revealed
(perhaps for waning bravery's sake).
I see my life's path now is sealed.

Now I pluck from all the clamoring voices
a way toward which to set my pace,
the best of all the myriad choices.
First step sees a grim smile on my face.

*Only thing I'm fairly certain about is rhyme scheme, stanza length and story scheme

''Steady'' is not an iambic monometer so the whole line is not in iambic pentameter.
''STEA-dy'' This form is ''stressed , unstressed'', the opposite of iambic monometer. This is actually a trochee.
Iambic pentameter must be 5 feet of iambic monometer in a single verse -
that means 5X (unstressed, stressed) word format in 1 line.

Alid

No great surprise that I have at least one line off. This maintaining a se meter is tough for me. I also see that the 4 line quatrain was only needed at the end of the poem not the end of each stanza.I'll leave this as is for a day or two so others can learn from and find more mistakes before I edit........stan

I'll wait until you edit this to the correct format before critiquing....
just remember though, that the eighth line of each stanza, as well as the last one of the envoi should all be the same - called a refrain....

And the rhyme scheme is the same for each stanza.... that is the first stanza's a b and c are also the second and third stanza's.... ie there are only 3 rhymes used throughout....

You have already figured out that there is only one four verse stanza
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

(canceled)

Alid

Your poem is massively too long because you added a bunch of envoys.
The ballade is three stanzas of eight lines followed by one four line envoy. Only twenty eight lines in all.
An envoy is always the last word in a poem. An extra little bit at the end of a poem.
The refrain is the last line in each stanza that must be identical. We finish each of the three stanzas with the same line. Subtle changes are acceptable, but they must reflect the occurrences in the stanza.
If this didn't answer it for you, for god's sake ask me to explain it differently. I want you to get this.
Your poem is good, but no where near a ballade.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

a-b-a-b-b-c-b-C for each stanza (with the large C representing the refrain). The envoy is b-c-b-C.

I've seen some good ones. I'm very pleased. Stories are being told instead of simple poetry.
I haven't seen one that truly teased a further story, but I'll just go weep and post mine.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

This is based on my big poem and SHOULD make a common, bored medieval town want to hear more. It is too obtuse. But I like it. However, I was there at the adventures I suggested. I have written them. They are real to me. Mostly, I wanted to make sure it was a ballade.
Critique that part if you don't care for the "tease". I want to know if this is a ballade.
Judy? Rula?

Clair’ice

Hear now the tale of Claire of Tieraton.
A Princess of the realm beloved by all
and though he wished as Lord’s do for a son,
her father loved her as he were her thrall.
An heir she was and raised in such a Hall
as few among the populace had seen.
She lived beneath Torgándon’s great Salt Wall,
but never did Claire think herself a Queen.

Adventures did she have and one by one
they pressed her fighting spirit toward a fall,
but each time, cheating death, she rose undone.
She faced Ulceriss and her witch’s Call
that caused the mob to turn and vicious maul.
Each brother fought while Claire’s rich, glitt’ring sheen
brought to a stand still all the angry mall,
but never did Claire think herself a Queen.

‘Twas Misserat who men all chose to shun.
Another of the Naw, but scarcely all
and Claire has faced the wight without the sun.
Beneath a pounding rain, a witch wrought squall,
she heard the first bright sound of Heaven’s call.
Despair she fought as would a Lord that’s keen
and chose to leap a cliff to dare the fall,
but never did Claire think herself a Queen.

There’s more to tell, these simple tales aren’t all.
The hints I share are nothing like I’ve seen
and I’ve been with her~ backs against the wall
and never did Claire think herself a Queen.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
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author comment

but NEV| -er did | CLAIRE THINK | her SELF | a QUEEN
- Perhaps 'but Claire did never think herself a queen'
or ' but Claire had never thought herself a queen'
or 'but ne'er had Claire e'er thought herself a queen' - lol I personally adore that one
lol...... I'm having fun here :)

Other verses I'm having problems with are
her FATH | - er LOVED | her as | he WERE | her THRALL
they PRESSED | her FIGHT | -ing SPIR | -it to | - WARD a | FALL
She FACED | ul - CER | -iss and | her WITCH | -es CALL
(Is that how one pronounces Ulceriss?)

each BROTH | -er FOUGHT | while CLAIRE'S | RICH GLITT | -ring SHEEN
BROUGHT to| a STAND | -still ALL | the ANG | -ry MALL,

Also
and though he wished as Lord’s do for a son,
- needs commas after 'wished' and 'do'
And
That caused the mob to turn and vicious maul.
- can you say this in another way? You've lost syntax here i think

Definitely a tease, it left me wanting to know more - I'll buy you an ale Wes
...... and it's definitely a ballade imo

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Know sir I am a big fan of your epic and Especially Clair as a character after reading the 24 canto you've finished.
I see that Judy has already pointed out some meter problems. However, I won't change the refrain. I really like it.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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on my main copy, but I'm having trouble changing it here. Alas, at least I used it.
I'll send you a check for the use of it. Thanks.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
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author comment

But I think it may be more than I can commit too. So I'd like to check in a watch

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I obviously scan it differently than you. However, I love your last suggestion.

Next, I pronounce "toward" as one syllable.

Yes, that is how you pronounce Ulceriss, but shudder when you write it and try not to get angry. Otherwise, I think I scan it differently.
Also, when you write Misserat, the sense of despair you feel will pass when she is gone.
Don't say The Naw out loud.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

Barbara is going to run a workshop.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
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author comment

Anyone that thinks their ballade is close to what they consider a "polished DRAFT", post it to The Stream and let's see what everyone else thinks.
I think we have several that are effectively complete and some that are close. Let's show them what we made.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

i think its finished!!!!!

The verse below is what told me he must die and is my favorite verse in the poem:

"He told his mum he wouldn't leave his teens."

I knew you had the skills. It's time for you to become a mentor and lead a workshop on the hardest form in the English language: A double ballade.
Just teasing... or not.
Judy has pointed out some details. Remember when I told you just to write? It's time to edit.

Faulkner once said: "When you write, just write. Don't think. Just write."
That's why I wanted you to simply put together the last stanza and envoy without hesitation. You were "peaking" at the right time. Sometimes you need to just do it. Now is the time to edit. That's actually the easy part for me.
Now, take some of the suggestions and clean up the meter.
Congratulations on your rhyme scheme.

You wrote a ballade. Now, post it to The Stream as a regular poem. Don't forget to mark that it is part of the workshop.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

Yes it was a challenge! A Tweaking I will go, but not just yet. This ballade is a true story about my brother. He looked in the mirror at 17 and told mum that he would die before his 18th birthday, so i'm a bit drained. But I will post it. Thanks Wesley.

The ballade is not in my poetry vocabulary, so what should I do Wes? I'm late to this workshop, my eyes will give out reading bf I can catch up, learn and understand enough to write an effective ballade. Lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

First of all, are you familiar with iambic meter? The whole exercise is written in iambic pentameter.

Alid

will you do me the honor of telling Barbara what the parameters of a ballade are?
I believe this now to be well within your skill set if your example is any example.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

N

Sorry I don't get you. ''n''.

Alid

Just a typo sorry

Here's the long and short of it as I recall.

The ballade is written in iambic pentameter.
A foot of an iambic meter sounds like this (unstressed, stressed)
An iambic pentameter in a single line means 5 times of (unstressed, stressed)
eg the RAGE/in-SIDE/ his HEART/ will NOT/ sub-SIDE

Here's the format of a ballade-
It consist of first 3 stanzas with 8 lines and the rhyme sequence is ababbcbC. Now the last "C" is a refrain; a verse which must be repeated at the end of each stanza throughout the poem with allowance of a little difference in the refrain in the last stanza.(this is optional)
The last stanza is the 4th stanza which has 4 lines and the rhyme sequence is bcbC. Is there anything you want to clarify? You can ask Wes to confirm.

Alid

You understand. You've licked it. I am so pleased with you.

Barbara, follow his instructions to the letter.

The last stanza, the one with four lines is called an envoy.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I thought this would be a difficult workshop, but I find it was obviously much too simple.

There is another...
There is a harder form... if you would dare.
I am not saying it should be a part of this workshop. I'm not that mad.

There is a Double Ballade. Repeat a refrain every quatrain.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
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This was what i was asking you to clarify before, when i queried what you meant by the 'hard way'

Lol - challenge accepted - on stream....
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Ooh. I love a challenge haha! Tell me more wesley!

instead of one repeating refrain you have two. Instead of every eight verse for the repeat, we repeat every four verse. A double refrain to make a double ballade. Try writing it in tetrameter. It's harder still.
Each refrain should be different, but that's not in granite.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

no intention to try it soon, I wonder what is the rhyme scheme will be for the double ballade.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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You simply have a new refrain. The last syllable of that line will still be the same rhyme as in a single ballade.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

You simply have a new refrain. The last syllable of that line will still be the same rhyme as in a single ballade.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

why don't you show us the rhyming sequence so that we'll have a cleare idea?

Alid

The fourth line of each quatrain becomes the new refrain. The rhyme scheme stays the same. You've simply added a repeating line.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

The second line of the envoy must be the new refrain.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

a
b
a
B....[a refrain]
b
c
b
C.... [ a refrain]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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Simple. No change, but the refrain added.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I think this is a Double ballade. My understanding is its abaBbcbC then bcbC.?

Hobie

I found a new and gentle joy
by accident one winter’s day
I saw a man on his new toy
so silent, pedalling away
oh dare I ask? I should, I say..
so what is that? I’d like to know
it looks so fun I want to play
so pedal, paddle, off I go.

A man, a maid, a girl or boy
can drift and dream of life today
this swish of oars, a cunning ploy
so silent, pedalling away
I disappear across the bay
around the bend where lilies grow
and shady spots with banks of clay
so pedal, paddle, off I go

The lake so still, I near the buoy
and slowly float to cause delay
the swans sail past, I don’t annoy
so silent, pedalling away
such peace is here I want to stay
and gaze into the depths below
but time dictates the yay or nay
so pedal, paddle off I go

At last I have my own, hooray!
my Hobie kayak don’t you know
one silent swoosh, I'm far away
so pedal, paddle, off I go

I thought this workshop was going to be hard, but look at all the incredible ballades that were written.
I'm going to close this workshop now, but as with all workshops held in Storytelling in Verse (sempiternal) it will remain open forever.
If anyone has another ballade to share, then for goodness sake, post it here and let's critique it.
Thank you everyone for such a particularly satisfying workshop for me. I'm going to have to save all of them in my archives as examples.
I hope that one of them at least finds its way into a contest or the upcoming book.
Spectacularly done everyone.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

I would very much like to continue with this workshop, but does anyone have any thoughts on how to use it? I have a few ideas, but would love some input. After all, I have truly been gone a long time. Is anybody out there? Just drop by and say hi.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Hi, Wes. Can't remember.

Alid

and back. I'll try to look into my last submission and see if I can do anything to make a better double ballad. I too can't believe I've written that one.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

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