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Salam Never Dies (Ballade WS)

Well! Life has patched her dreams with nightmare's lair
that filled the mighty void with awful tears,
and now her dreary days would fly to where,
there's nothing to bring out her later cheers.
Though life for long has been so fair and dear;
this mother lived in peace, and peace has brought
what God has oft to gift and bless for years,
but cheers, oh cheers! Now cheers are almost naught.

Like Hell the phantoms barraged earth and air,
and furious demons stilled the children's screams.
The walls and holes become the graves that care
for shattered bodies, bloody stains and wears.
She called, She cried, but echoes backed so clear,
"Salam's gone", "Salam's gone", was all she got.
your baby's gone. No way the mother'd hear
the cheers, oh cheers! Now cheers are almost naught.

With cruel hands Salam was killed out there,
although she had ambitions 'like her peers
Salam was always brave, was never scared,
she had king Arthur's dreams and late king Lear's.
She wished her name to ring around the spheres,
Salam believed and had the faith, no doubt
that evilness would never win or near,
but cheers Oh cheers! Now cheers are almost naught.

Salam the baby's gone, but we'll adhere
to thoughts, her smiles, the hope she often sought.
Salam the baby's gone, but still we're here,
Oh cheers now cheers would never be a naught.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
"Salam" is a female name and the Arabic equivalence for the English word "Peace"
Editing stage: 

Comments

Beautiful write, as i said in the WS.
Touches my heart....

On new read, I have just a couple more suggestions

Can you clarify the 4th verse in the 1st stanza a little better? I understand what you mean, but the wording is a little awkward....

'and furious demons stilled the children's screams'
'furious is a multy-syllable word - FYOO R -ee-uh s
Personally I like the skip it gives, but if you wanted a 'perfect' ballade.....

And, just me, I still have problems with the rhythm with 'cruel' - I know the dictionary says it is two syllables, but most people (lol, at least me) pronounce it 'krool'

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Have done the edits. Hope you like it.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

'Salam has gone", "your baby's gone", was all she got' is hexameter

Otherwise, great edits,
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

thank you

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Ah well. They will learn of it.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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for the comment and for the time you've devoted for the workshop.
It was an ambitious one indeed.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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