praying that....I want to trim it to ...praying those aiming to destroy you fail...
only because in conventional form...that is almost a pause a break..
...is a ledge..almost a pulpit of point refrence...(can almost see the finger raised..
looking about the lecture hall from lectern...the pulpit to the congregation!

its less preachive and the faster praying those praying aiming are like...
shit shit shit I pray they miss....

no matter how hard he tries...he cant find the strength

a good line....I think if shes praying for him hes there...
hes got the strength.....if hes trying hes giving even more
I want to say....cant find the way...
classic myth always has something...Jack and his beanstalk
peter and the wolf
u r using He...I did much and all...and it wasnt the strength
I knew I was there....they would kick me in the knees
Punk style literal....u missed a spot...my dad wouldnt balk
at that....ur dad cant do what I can do....

strength use is good!! great...but men get lost in the labrynth
the greek hero bringing his wife from the depths..he just
cant look back...aha....his weakness..
distracted...looked back and gone...never to play the lyre again

I like how in your works you put clues like this for the reader
how do we old wolves interpret it...

Ive lived this....six hardcore women...ages...really..not important
half my age to ten years senior and all great women!!
I struggle with the hate part...but I think its also the love part
where the hate love part comes in...and all by the way had
this with me...I was classic mess...
better these days!!
then in my twenties and now in my fifties still working poetry
as here..and life out there...

the last glorious lines are classic
vintage...
haunted rebel anti hero hero male
making it big maybe one day
or sliding it along

U dont even know...
the women
no ....we men dont

and when we do
the bridge may be gone
but some kind of bridge
maybe rebuilt
semephore
arm..
visits

broken dolls
haunted
pull their strings and speak
no more
just in dreams

I hope you dont mind my
ramblings on your work here....
this is me and my road in
so many ways and others of course

lost in the distance....strength
I agree with that line
but I want to say....distracted
other women.....nobody likes
that one..groan...
wyeth had Helga
why mention others..
one woman shows you the great
things about present woman
present woman shows you great
things about distant woman
and or father mother
struggle issues...

and vodka...
coping mechanisms
the spiral blown out
of the sky in the searchlites
eyes....

savers
and balers
some women bale
out men like sunken
wrecks
jail trouble...other women
fightsetc...
and savers
are like saviors
giving all
resurect the belief inside
the faith
offer their lamb like purity
till the wolves eyes turn
clear......

maybe Im not making any sense
...Im very tired...
much is going on...
I like this poet very much

I like the strength thing.
deadalus was strong
he flew to the sun
but it was his weakness too
Samson his hair
delilah

list is endless

and he doesnt even know
my fave part of the poem
beause to me thats the like
most harshest intimate line
of the whole work

like those stone angels
with their wings over symbolic
graves

I find U to be one of the more
brilliant poets
in the careful way u write..
you consider much!
and it shows..
please disregard
my critique
if you think I am overtly critical
because I am very happy about
your writing
and works

many do not have the faith
in their voice
and pull back
but I feel your voice

have felt others
whom like the poem
describes
your poetry helps me
understand me as a poet
and a person
and that the
power this medium
has!!

thank U
Mr Esker~

we build families...sons or daughters...I have one daughter a writer..artist...struggles with
same issues as her dad...and a steppie whom loves me...I shoved her back....so she now
hates me...I have a mother issue.. weakness is...unrelenting.....sometimes I would rather
die then face all of it.....pick up...pop that...crushing down the feelings with vice.....and
the renovators of love whom think they can salvage me before the wrecking ball idling..
Save your forests from the clear cutters....save the last of a family tree...heir literal
...I like your devotion and care to poetry.....there will always be the dung throwers and ankle
biters dragging you like crabs in the bucket......but Talent not talons are the true Test!!

I am just maturing at this age.......
I spent six years with someone younger
not in romantic context
but in pacing me along
keeping me apped up on lingo
whats new
and hopping
running me against the new
I thought they were nuts
but I see now
they were not
I remember them
laughing free one day
"We are like teenagers"
and I popped that bubble
instead like some might be apt
to revel in the dream...
No...Im fifty!

But I see what she was getting at
when I was a teen
I drew in the marvelous and brilliant
and beautiful
their intell was like photos and reconnaissance
riches and treasures
happiness
and I would give them
attention
fawn to them
they were brilliant
exceeding my intellect

I re read this and see
the pain...hurt
emotional ache
and wounds
tears
frustrations
stitch up the
broken
and they wander
off and get hit by
another car
lightnin

oh dear!!

but their spirit to keep
fighting is what enlivened
me about such dramatic
range
and they were intelligent too
they were open long after
they were struck off for scrap
by the rest of ordinary and okay
but if you ask me boring society
scrap.
I was and am scrap
and its up too god to come and
collect me

which he does
I think U are a fantastic
new writer in an age of worldly
change
like the fifties writers were
in their change
the cuba crises
riots
etc
did anyone stick up for sexton
and believe in her
or the others...
I hate bullies
even though I am one sometimes
my cross to bear

I think of your trees down south
We watch mountian men show
my baby and I
we drift into the living room at our
age to watch it like the old folks
lobby
I like Eustace
I used to cut down trees for right
of ways!!
but I think they have spirit worth
I know they are alive
Like words
and creativity
Like our family of Neopoets here....

I tremendously like your talent as a writer
and passion for poetry

thank U !

I wanted to say I liked the poem.

That's really all. I don't have a lot to say.
The different format is... different.
The subject is sound and clearly understood.
A successful poem.
That's all.

this girls writing
one two three
drop
one to three drop
its brilliant
read all third lines
and they are poetry
read al forth lines its poetry

the japanese cant be more into it like this girl!
I love your courteous approach!
even he cream
the top lines pulled into one
are poetry

but is it? the raw crude stained poetry
from madness seeping
Buckoski bothering to write superb
on all lines.......well he knew his stuff

this girls is brillliant

needs our view on her work
like we need to give our veteran eyes
and hearts the go over
shes young but shes like
wow guys....you know your stuff too

yes....

thank U younger new gen up and arriving
we do

I like her because her work
articulate
I like mine bcause Im raw and all over road
natural
and I dont give a fuck and Im in love
with someone In Edmonton now
ha

true

even though I love my good woman here
Love is cruel and practical and horrible....

but poetry...if I go out there...I will have
a computer and keep writing..
and if it doesnt work out I will throw
myself in river like all other idiot
poets so it doesnt matter...

but this poet....yes...she is amazing
and I greatly like her!!
but we all are great here!

Rhiannon, I would never knowingly insult a poet. It is counter productive and not my style.

I'm still not sure about the poem though, despite Esker's glowing praise.
Hope you stick around.

You could have used breaks between lines to eliminate the "wall of words". Don't allow yourself to fall into "stream of consciousness". Make sure every word you leave is exactly what you want said.

Now, to the subject.
I entirely agree. NeoPoet should be considered a safe haven for constructive criticism, but too often of late there is too much emphasis on the subject and not enough on the poetry itself. But I digress.

Criticism (critique) should be taken with the intent it is given. Sometimes critique will appear harsh because it is straight forward. Take it with the intent it was given.
Your essay was a bit of fresh air.

and brilliant as the the poem.

I have shamefully neglected both of you.