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for you

to write a song of flawless exultation
is provocation when confined to flesh
with bliss hid by illusion’s tribulation
within this world of manifest’s flat mesh

for all too soon it seems there’s separation
perfection now a thing to never be
a cut that causes cognizant castration
when light grows dim and fades despite all plea

I’ll say my knowing you was worth the pain
had years, when really just a single day
would be enough for anyone to gain
and catch the love of life that you’d portray

although your essence from my world has gone
the joy you placed within my heart lives on
.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

perfection now a thing
to never be

what would be the difference
if you wrote more Englishly

Thing never to be

I am aware
you will justify it for me...

loved

You fucking hypocrite. You are barely literate.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

take your medicine today
or is it a relapse .

guy I am more educated than all or most of you
put together
understand it before you once again use
the fuck word in relating to me

you have no business to do so
you are as fucking too ordinary..
for me to waste my breath ..
if not lesser than I

loved

You gave no useful constructive criticism and you used the phrase "if you wrote more Englishly". What the fuck is that? (and I know how you feel about that word)

That was one useless and frankly stupid comment.

No. I am not off my meds, but I wonder if your are.

And if you are in any way more educated than me you never, ever demonstrate it.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

.................................
you have to develop a sense of humour
over your elephantiasis EGO

GOOD BYE...............................

till you become normal
if again

yes we take medicines
as and when due
to feel saner

loved

you two are supposed to be critiquing my poem, not each other
now both of you come to the centre of the ring and shake hands
thank you xxxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

hope not
Judy

it will be like well done red
loved
jess
the winner

loved

and I admit i started it. Sorry again

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Often the same with yours. It has superb technique and style, but lacks the conveyance of passion and verve.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

what can i do to melt my cold cold heart?
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

be CHAIR
not cheers....

man
on all boards

lol lol lol
as a good gesture
I shall remove all
lol lol lolooo
i mean our convy....

loved

xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

hence I have stopped following
Jess and moonman
they only profess
not follow

abusing a fellow poet is not a norm
of NEOPOETS
I THINK

Sorry Judy for the crap started by him

when right fight
when wrong say
SORRY
in CAPS

loved

I said
"my sincere apologies
and I admit i started it. Sorry again"

Loved, in light of your recent comments excusing child abuse and other illiterate nonsense, I think it might be time for you to take a break from the site for a while. We all need to do it now and then.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

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