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Wolf Whistles...

Submitted by Geezer on Wed, 2023-09-06 22:19

A whistle follows her down the street
like a puppy going through puberty
Various voices of admiration
aged timber and saplings alike
rustling their leaves and shaking branches

Unaware of the havoc caused by her very presence
she strode straight through the resolve
of every married man on the street
to steal bits of heart, and feed imaginations
let loose in the night

Sunshine in tanned and svelte skin
even teeth of daisy-petal white
behind lucious strawberry lips
Her eyes of dark chocolate brown
were warm and inviting

Those tan, slender legs fought free of the skirt
to walk gracefully up the stairs
and the russet cloth was accented
against the edge of white panties
gently nudged higher and tighter

If you could ever tear your eyes from the nethers
to see the face in the clouds
you would tighten your grip on the fantasy
making it the deal of the century
and worship the goddess of love

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week September 3rd to September 9th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-09-07 04:20

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem utilizes vivid imagery and metaphor to convey the allure and impact of the subject. However, it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the subject's emotions and experiences, as it currently focuses primarily on external perceptions.

The metaphor of a whistle following the subject "like a puppy going through puberty" is effective in conveying the persistent and immature nature of the attention she receives. However, the poem might benefit from further development of this metaphor throughout the piece to maintain consistency and deepen its impact.

The use of nature imagery, such as "aged timber and saplings alike rustling their leaves and shaking branches", is a creative way to represent the various admirers. However, the transition from this metaphor to the more literal description of the subject's appearance could be smoother.

The poem successfully depicts the subject's physical attractiveness, but it lacks insight into her internal world. By exploring her thoughts, feelings, and reactions to the attention she receives, the poem could provide a more well-rounded portrayal of the subject.

The final stanza introduces a new metaphor of the subject as a goddess of love. This could be more effectively integrated into the poem if it were introduced earlier and developed throughout.

Overall, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of metaphor, a smoother transition between different types of imagery, and a more nuanced exploration of the subject's internal world.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Richard Milne

Mon, 2023-09-11 22:06

This piece is marvelous. It is passionate, evocative, hot and true. It is in fact the exact OPPOSITE of what the AI-generated offering suggests: "a more nuanced exploration of the subject's emotions and experiences"..."immature nature of the attention she receives"..."depicts the subject's physical attractiveness, but it lacks insight into her internal world. By exploring her thoughts, feelings, and reactions to the attention she receives, the poem could provide a more well-rounded portrayal of the subject"...

I enjoy your work, your heartfelt and tongue-in-cheek juxtapositions, and your ability to capture a scene, an image, a thought and a visceral reaction. The AI clearly has no soul. Great work sir!

Geezer

Tue, 2023-09-12 22:06

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I think that the AI has a great grasp of the rules of poetry and if it were to have some emotion, it would be a great critic!
However, the lack of emotion impedes the usefulness of said AI. I try to put myself in the place of those men on the street, and the construction sites. I remember a couple of ladies that were totally unaware of the effect that they had on the menfolk that followed their progress down the street. Different from those that were intent on seeing how much interest they could gather from those same men. You know the ones, they sashay down the street, wiggling and jiggling... The one that I have written about, is one of those that truly doesn't know; one that would be shocked to understand the amount of interest she garners.
Those women are the most attractive to me, and to other men. That innocent, sexy flavor. Thank you for all the nice things you've said. I appreciate them, ~ Geezer.
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