Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
WINTER IS COMING
It's a message as old as the hills
And the trees are the first to get it
You see it in colors of the leaves
Before eventually they fall to the ground
Winter is coming
I hear its footsteps in the morning mist
And in the early coming of the nights
The last of the birds are flying north
Leaving me with songless mornings
And eerily quiet, empty days
Because winter is coming
The secret that I have kept all summer
Will finally be revealed to the world
And now the whole world will know
That poverty has me in its grasp
But I will write poetry to warm my heart
And read of authors of old to warm my soul
Though my body will be cold,
It will find me home, where the sunsets are magical
Like the gates of heaven itself
See, there is no fighting nature
And though I do hate winter
I'm like a feather in the wind
But I can wait it out
Gracefully
A. SWANTALALA
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
User login
Author information
Other recent work
Active Workshops & Contests
Contest
Workshop
- Splash Pool: How to use imagery in poetry..
- Wading Pool: Neopoet How To Video Resources
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 2
- Olympic Pool: Earn A Poem Workshop 1
- Plunge Pool: Stream Workshop
Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-04-13 19:21
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Winter is Coming" by A. Swantalala is a contemplative reflection on the inevitability of winter and the sense of isolation and vulnerability that it brings to the speaker. The theme of nature's cyclical patterns is evoked through the imagery of the changing colors of the leaves and the migration of birds, which signals the coming of winter. The poem's tone is melancholic, as the speaker acknowledges the hardship of living in poverty and the loneliness of the winter months.
One of the strengths of the poem is its use of sensory details to create a vivid and immersive experience for the reader. The description of the morning mist and the quiet, empty days captures the stillness and hushed quality of winter, while the imagery of the sunsets as "magical" and reminiscent of "the gates of heaven itself" creates a sense of wonder and beauty.
However, the poem could benefit from some editing to improve its flow and clarity. For example, the line "Because winter is coming" feels abrupt and could be integrated more smoothly into the preceding stanza. Additionally, the line "And now the whole world will know" feels overly dramatic and could be revised to create a more nuanced and understated effect.
One suggested line edit would be to revise the final line of the poem to read "But I can wait it out, gracefully," as the current phrasing ("But I can wait it out / Gracefully") creates a slight pause that disrupts the flow of the poem.
Overall, "Winter is Coming" is a thoughtful and introspective poem that captures the mood of the winter season and the challenges that it presents. With some minor revisions, it could be even stronger in its impact and resonance.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Sat, 2023-04-15 17:01
I would change
the word [warm] to warm my heart, to [heat] my heart,
thereby getting away from using warm
in near proximity to the line right after it.
The admission that poverty has one in its grasp, may be an actual
truth, or it may be metaphorical, meaning that you will bereft of your rich
morning concerts from your feathered choir. I hope it is just so. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Trail
Wed, 2023-04-19 21:22
I hadn't noticed that, Geezer
Thanks for the edit suggestion. Unfortunately the poverty is both literal and metaphorical. But we'll still use poetry to warm our hearts and souls right?Thank you for reading and enjoying my poem
author comment