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windswept smiles

long, top down drives
even shirtless tans
sweet strawberry kisses and
glorious watermelon stains

laughter lifting through the trees
glimpses of sun blest promises
sugar coated whispers
catching in the breeze

fruit bowls, waterholes
and refreshing icy poles
interlacing fingers share
starry nights and lazy days

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

This piece is OK but seems to lack a person or body, the words you write are fine just let us know who you are writing to,
Bet she is worth every word,
"interlacing fingers share"
"Our interlacing fingers shared
Dreams of being alive"
Sort of thing ??
Take care Yours, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I have considered that on the outset,
sadly for you, I specifically decided to
go ahead and leave persons and bodies,
allusive or pronouned, as it was meant
as a sweeping thought of a summer day
not anchored to anything or anyone specific.

I will, however post up one, more orthodox
with more tangible emotional placeholders
to allow for a ready comparison & choice.

Thanks most kindly ☺

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

author comment

See we have both sides now Esker likes the piece as is and I would like a personal touch, this is how things work, you have as you did the final say and one that you feel comfortable with.
Great to be of help, Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

most appreciated. ☺

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

author comment

and the untamed...
the unchained...
I was captivated
strawberry fragrance from
a young girl
woman..chantrause?
expensive..nor thick or winsome
There are some flavors
that arouse an interest but not
feed the appetite

like coffee...dark roast please.
something..to delve ..
said that once and they thought
I was a lunatic...
which I am..

I dont want the full story sometimes
You can write..
oft its a hard thing to do..

This one is a very great poem
for summer!

Thank You!

Much appreciated☺ you've allowed the words and your life view to create a journey that is your own. And I'm very grateful that you've so generously shared that experience with me. I don't feel like my reentry into the neopoet world is such a waste.

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

author comment

with your poetic part
where in the doldrums of tym
did you hide
as i became
lovedly from loved
remember me????
your secrecy
have u added to ur manly kitty ?

Hibernation mode ☺

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

author comment

hibernate the dictate
and
get served on a plate
then they bray
see gray...what do u say?

Hibernation mode ☺

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

author comment

try try and try again
said BRUCE
you know who!

Damn it cant you see what trouble you cause the English when you watch spiders, lol
Still loves yu, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

spiders
CRYPTIC..... Me and you too

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