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When Your Heart Breaks Down

When your heart breaks down
and you're stranded on the road called life
and Lady Luck is nowhere to be found,
get up and continue fighting against strife.
Reboot, restart and repair
as long as you live, the options are there,
why give in to despair
when you can try again?
In time you'll be back
to play the number's game.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is awesome. Some might think it is preachy and suggest changing to 1st singular but not I.
I have one or maybe two suggestions
[so] why give in to despair.................drop (so)

so why give in to despair
when you can try again out there?......I would drop one of the (again)

But all in all, this is really good.
Thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Thanks for the visit and the comment. I've done the edit.

Alid

author comment

I agree with Rula. This isn't preachy, it's just good common sense!
Should the title be "Number's Game"? It sounds like Numbers owns the game, if you see what I mean!
Good stuff man, keep writing.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

The title refers to the times one go for dates before finding the right person. Well, any other ideas for the title?

Alid

author comment

I am the answer to everything, I was born in 42 so that is everything, the universe may fall or just turn in on itself but number 42 is the only constant.
I shall gather up my haversack and hitch to the next crossroads there I shall wait for a number 42 bus it will take me on the rest of life's journey.
Good write there Alid a bit of fun time, Yours Ian.
PS:- Digit is waiting for you to read his last trip to Indiana he is waiting to be hunted..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I'll check on Digit when I have the time.

Alid

author comment

It is late but thank you for your anticipated time,
Yours Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Let me say first I am proud of the strides you've taken in your writing since you first arrived here. Now to your poem. I like the never say die attitude displayed here. Reminds me of a saying "Success is not determined by how many times one is knocked down, it's determined by how many time one gets back up." Only suggestion I can find to make is in line 4. Try deleting "to strive" and see if it still works for you.........stan

Thank you for the visit and the comment. I must confess that I'm trying to rhyme it so I put it that way but your suggestion works too.

Alid

author comment

now see the limited rhymes and near rhymes. This explains the reason you had that line extension. You could also try something like continue fighting against strife.

What do you think about the title?

Alid

author comment

I thought the title's unclear too even after your explanation to Jim. You have used it in the title as the 'Number's Game' while in the last line you have dropped the possessive apostrophe "Numbers Game".
Not sure which one you really wanted.
However, I can't think of any title plus I concider titles so personal and something the author needs to decide.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

What do you think of the new title?

Alid

author comment

I believe.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

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