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When I Am Old

Submitted by Rainy Day on Sun, 2012-03-25 01:37

What strength will you give me,
When I am old and frail,
When I want to do things,
That my body won’t let me,
What strength will you give me?

What warmth will you bestow me,
When I am tired and weak,
When my bones ache with cold,
That won’t leave me,
What warmth will you bestow me?

What kindness will you show me,
When the days are drawing near,
When my memory has failed,
And you don’t understand me,
What kindness will you show me?

Will you still love me,
If my body be broken down,
After all the dreams that came true,
And things I long yet to do,
Only you to sleep beside me,
Will you still love me?

Will you stay with me,
Through it all,
Will you hold my hand,
Meet me in the promised land,
Will you pray with me,
Will you stay with me,
When I am old?

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Sun, 2012-03-25 09:19

Hi Frost flower

Really lovely. The only thing I can nit pick is the possible overuse of me. But that's really stretching. Felt compelled to answer your questions :
The strength will be the strength of will
to scale yet one more rocky hill
the warmth will be that of desire
a neverending well stoked fire

Kindness will be that returned
from those whom you have never spurned
the love will be solid and deep
and pure enough to make men weep

The devotion will be to not say never
and it too shall last for ever

*as an aside don't fear to punch the raw truth button . Few here actually ever knock anybody on their back lol.........stan

loved

Sun, 2012-03-25 11:19

I too composed one in similar vein

''Wait for me ''

got lost in the
Neopoet's catastrophe

....And things I long yet to do,
Only you to sleep beside me,
Will you still love me?...
remember the
YOUTHFUL RAINS
and you will continue
to smile with or without ..

loved

Candlewitch

Sun, 2012-03-25 16:02

hello,

I really love your pen name! A pensive poem always holds my inteerest. Well done!

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

China Blue

Sun, 2012-03-25 18:35

Ah Yes

All of the questions you ask. Only time has the answer to. I am a fortunate one that has been smiled on. I do have all of that.
Beautifully penned verse calm easy to read and just rolls on

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

Rainy Day

Mon, 2012-03-26 03:28

Thank you all

Thank you all so much for the kind comments. I love your answers stan. I will have to use that button more often, lol. You are right. Everyone I have met here has been very respectful. Don't see that often on other sites.

author comment

Rainy Day

Sun, 2012-04-01 02:03

Thank you

Thank you Lonnie

author comment

Neopoet

When I Am Old