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When God Made a Woman Like You
Baby, I was selfish to think I can do this alone,
The Lord placed you in my life to make US strong;
Completely embracing that I have been wrong
And life with you has given me meaning and a home.
When God made a woman like you,
He made...
A song of patience,
As you waited for me to find you;
A song of promise,
As I stand before you and behind you.
When God made a woman like you,
He made..
Amazing how I dodge this good feeling all my life,
What a great thing to find in you, to find a wife;
Love, I need you in this very walk of faith so blithe,
As I protect and provide for you each day and night.
When God made a woman like you,
He made...
A song of happiness,
As your smile fulfills all virtue;
A song of healing,
As I sacrifice myself for you.
When God made a woman like you,
He made..
A bride to marry,
A queen to have and hold,
A love to never tarry,
Such a heart of gold.
He made...
The rest of my life,
The 'baddest' chick I've known,
My every kiss goodnight,
And my house now our home.
When God made a woman like you,
He made...
The sweetest thing that I'd ever had.
I will always love you,
And I will always take care of you.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Sun, 2017-04-23 04:16
Hi Lamar, welcome back, it's been a while.
A lovely work, your love shines through with sincerity.
Two small crits. CAPS are distracting and unnecessary, your words carry the emphasis.
The two stanzas with longer lines read a bit like prose, despite the rhymes. A measure of meter (linguistic rhythm) would carry them better. If you have the time Wesley Snow will soon be running a workshop on meter, I recommend it. Otherwise possibly the best book I've found form all poetic forms is Stephen Fry's "The Ode Less Taken".
Actually the whole poem lacks meter, few people realise that rhyme is a much weaker device than meter. It is meter they are unconsciously referring to when they talk about how a poem 'flows'.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Lamar Ingraham
Fri, 2017-04-28 20:08
Re. As per 'When God Made a Woman Like You'
I won’t suck up to you by lying and saying that you are perfect in every way. But your support is the reason why I look forward to writing every day.
V/R,
Official 1SP
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2017-04-23 13:20
Being one...
of rhyme and meter, I whole-heartily agree with Jess. Rhyme without meter is only half of what you can accomplish with both. Of course, you must have a work that you have feeling for to do a truly fine piece, but that can't be taught, like rhyme and meter. Join the workshop when it opens up. I'll be there trying to learn something new or relearning skills that I may have forgotten. See ya. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Lamar Ingraham
Fri, 2017-04-28 20:10
Re. As per 'When God Made a Woman Like You'
Thanks for converting my mistakes into lessons, pressure into productivity and skills into strengths. You really know how to bring out the best in all aspiring writers.
V/R,
Official 1SP
author commentlovedly
Sat, 2017-04-29 01:48
Praise thy woman,at length
Praise thy woman at length
God will be happy
as he has created so many women
yours is the first exception
Wonderful
beautiful
lovely woman
a life of a handsome man
ask good how much time he took
to make a poet romantic one out of you
a daring love couple are you
god smiles in appreciation
of both of you