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what a ..loveliest dawn twas

loveliest dawn twas

I arose today at dawn
Like the day I was born.. ..
how do you that say?

well I knew you’d ask me so
my pop upstairs came in my dreams
and showed me as a beautiful exquisite babe
in my moms’ arms
Oh! what charms..

No not on my face but my moms
she was really beautiful, a Queen like bee
but not many moms are like as was she…

a child adorn by all around
love and kisses only I found,
immersed in honey of love
of all siblings
I was like a darling …

that was when the dawn lapsed
into the evening of my life
it ended so suddenly you bet

time lapses faster than collapses a dream
left isolated in a world now I scream
what made you,
mom and pop,
to bring a miracle about
of which you had no doubt

how intensely now I feel
someone had then invented the rubber
now we all now peel
but alas
twas not to be
the sojourn still carries me..

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


Needs a bit of streamlining but thank you nice you hate but nice imagery it is!

why hate??


author comment

when I used it to critique one of your previous poems

This needs a little tidy, and it will be top line, I guess you hurried this.
Here's one I wrote for someone many years ago on a piece of Hotel paper (not toilet) see what you make of it, though it is about a slightly different subject, around 35 years ago in Canada lol:-

Comes the dawn,
When all the things
Of your yesterdays will mean
That today is the first day
Of life's journey for you
Being close, being lost,
Reaching out
For what seems an age
Touching flowers
Yet not having to pick one
Till that dawn
Will make that final flower
So wonderful to hold
Do not fear to feel things
Before that dawn
To have lived in yesterday
Only makes you see more clearly
The things you need to see
When the time comes I hope that
I can be within a small part
Of your yesterdays
That will make the dawn
More beautiful
Just for you

Loved this is a sad poem now I come to think about it but that's life..

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

This needs a little tidy, and it will be top line

now help me reach the top.....
uphill ...
not by any other means


author comment
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