Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

By The Waters of Acheron (Edit)

It begins with musical analysis
she teases the harp strings
notes of fire and water

"I am the fever of Eros"
"I am the water of understanding
our pleasures are merely
a source to t he divine

if union in beauty is a bridge
from the underworld
to falcon the sage
from this mundane plain"

the lines of a tenuous beat
they recite the fragments of Psapfo:

"Lay beneath me, my idol,
my cunning virgin, for there
is nothing more harrowing
than the distance of lovers"

"I was placed here not by circumstance
but choice, my actions led me
to drink from the waters of Acheron...

by the waters of Acheron we lay down
there we wept..."

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

that you have made no few changes in this poem and deleted my favored lines about the sensual, heightened senses. oh well, your poem. It still reads well. ~ Geezer.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

maybe I'll find a way to coalesce the two themes the spiritual and the sensual. I still have both versions in my notebook. I am grateful for opinion and do not take your advice lightly as all peoples advice its how I learn

author comment

you had it the first time. I guess that there is something that you still want to say. ~ Geezer.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.