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VAMPIRES

Submitted by Jokerface82 on Thu, 2024-02-29 08:35

Swinging the cone of light
Chasing away the pocket
of black unlit shadows.

stabbing the candescent
stream. Banishing dark pockets
away out from the undimmed
Well lit hill cliff.

Upside down restless
curled hooked talons
Startled disturbed. Undead
flapping swoops and hisses

inside an abandoned empty
socket of darkness. All around

you famished dribbled drooling gang
of pointed fangs and yellow spools of

ungodly luminescent eyes.
Hungry for your wet salmon
like flesh and pools of slippy

greyish guts with coppered
splattered thrown blood.

Your death white grip binding
a trembling blurry cross and
Wooden pointed steak. Your
Garlic odour necklace

keeping them obey. Your
only tools of surviving until
you evade and make your
escape.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Around The Globe Image Prompt Contest
Content level: 
Explicit Content
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neopoet

Thu, 2024-02-29 14:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "VAMPIRES" creates a vivid and eerie atmosphere through its imagery and descriptions. The use of light and darkness, talons, fangs, and blood all contribute to a sense of foreboding and danger. The repetition of certain phrases like "chasing dark pockets away" and "pointed fangs and yellow spools" adds to the intensity of the poem.

One suggestion for improvement would be to work on the flow and structure of the poem. Some lines feel disjointed or fragmented, which can disrupt the overall reading experience. Consider refining the transitions between different images and ideas to create a more cohesive narrative.

Additionally, pay attention to punctuation and grammar to ensure clarity and coherence in the poem. This will help guide the reader through the chilling imagery and themes you are exploring.

Overall, "VAMPIRES" has a strong foundation with its dark and evocative language. By refining the structure and enhancing the flow of the poem, you can further amplify its impact

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

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