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Shapes
Punching away shadows, shapes
Back were they came from, from the street
Lights smothering the Inky abyss and pockets
Above the silk black blanket
A sinister grin from a ghostly moon
that changed its shape
from a horn to a circular glow
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Last few words:
Rough hard to not be descriptive
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-05-07 05:10
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Shapes" effectively creates a vivid and mysterious atmosphere through its imagery and use of language. The contrast between light and darkness, as well as the transformation of the moon's shape, adds depth to the poem. However, consider exploring more specific details or descriptions to enhance the overall impact of the piece. Additionally, you may want to further develop the theme or message you are conveying to create a stronger connection with the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Tue, 2024-05-07 10:27
Wait...
I can see a couple of places where you might have done less.
[Inky] abyss, [silk] black blanket.
~ Geezer.
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Mark
Tue, 2024-05-07 11:36
lol
yea Geez, but there is still a lot of emptyness anyhow. I think it's a pretty good job of nothing lmao. I think t's good that there is a little something for the follow upper to grab onto. :)
Mark
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Jokerface82
Tue, 2024-05-07 14:39
I put that together less than five minutes
I put that together less than five minutes lol
author commentMark
Tue, 2024-05-07 18:13
Yeah me too but
but I think it will be more difficult when we each need to do the flip side.
Later,
Mark
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Read/Comment it's a win win
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Communications are highly valued.
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Jokerface82
Tue, 2024-05-07 22:56
My problem is I over use
I put to much in descriptions that's my problem
author commentMark
Tue, 2024-05-07 23:55
use simile and metaphor
describing something is more like a telling than showing when you use metaphor or easier to start simile by using like and as then try metaphor by taking like and as out and see where it takes you it's a little more creative but it shows as opposed to tells and that is where you create imagery.
Mark
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Read/Comment it's a win win
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Communications are highly valued.
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Jokerface82
Wed, 2024-05-08 11:25
Good one mark
Yeah cool
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