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A Toast! By a Beautiful Dreamer!

I dreamt such a dream, just last night;
that I woke the whole house, past eleven;

seems, whom we're toasting to, had a bad "crash"
with me driving, so we landed in heaven.

St. Peter welcomed me, up, at the "gates"
in the crash, I had first, "bought my farm";

he said, "For all your sins, you'll walk eternity
with an ugly woman, always on your arm!"

These gals were quite "homely", I was taken....a back!
Plus, the one on my right had no "sense";

she had her some "bucked teeth"...the worst I had seen,
and could eat corn on the cob, through the fence!

I lost track of my passenger, our "man of the hour",
and I wondered how he was getting along;

quite some time later, I saw him up ahead
but, our scenarios were clearly....all wrong!

I walked with these "she-beasts", a pennance too, cruel;
both ugly, one fat, and one "lean";

until I spied our guest, walking with three....
...of the prettiest women I'd ever seen!

I ran to St. Peter, to find out "why" this was so,
he had models, way, too good to be true;

then St. Peter said, "See those girls he walks with,
must "pay", for their wrong doings.......tooi!"

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I wrote this for one of them, "roasts".
Editing stage: 


Made me smile!!! Always nice to have a bit of humor to lighten up your day!!! The descriptions were very funny. I can imagine myself having similar luck should I make it to the pearly gates!!!

Keep Writing,

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I loved this charming story. Not much to say about it, just a pleasant little poem.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

I liked the story. Needed the humor today, so thank you for that.

As for critique, about the only thing I really came across technically was the meter of the rhyming lines. I stumbled several times trying to maintain the rhythm.

There did appear to be a slip in logic. S4 states that both men were to walk eternity with ugly women on their arms. Then later, the "man of honor" had the three prettiest women in S10. Did he originally have ugly women on his arms and then things changed. If so, how/when/why the change?

Overall I enjoyed the read. Thanks for posting.



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