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Thanks to Emeka's shout ???

They must have heard you from here
with that loud noooooo!
My heart stuttered just wouldn't go
They took me in to start my heart again
and as you said they gave me a shock
with two pads on my chest,
"Stand back don't flock"

Wrecked my pace maker,
but they as always knew best.
I was treated the same as the rest,
I is going private next time,
They is a better lifeline
for someone as old as me,
The shock nearly set my Spirit free
It went out to seek another world
I had to grab it before I unfurled
and ended up all cut up on a slab

Damn good grab
It tried to leave the room
But it went too bloody soon
Now I is well so they can go to hell.

I sit here at the entrance to my cave.
My cave is so big if you want to jig,
or just to have a rave,
I'll use the candles I've saved.
Then I will bugger off next door
to get some peace that's for sure,

I could go on and on you know,
But I will be kind and let you go.
But do drop in, when you have the time
I am sitting here at the entrance
Of this cave of mine,
Yours as always Ian.T
I shall drop the "T"
and have a single malt whiskey.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Emeka, shouted NOOOOOOO! when he commented on one of my writes and said he would take me to ICU, so I thought I would reply, LOL
Editing stage: 


i laughed so hardly when you said" they gave me a shock with two pads on my chest". i love that you dedicated this piece to me, i will always be as a son to you for in you i find a dad, my own dad is late and you teach me poetry in which i hope to one day conquer the world, will always love and appreciate you. thank you sir Ian

when you say i is going private next time , they is a better lifeline. i totally get that phrase and it sounds in comedy so poetic, i like those lines. then the rest of the poem goes as usual with your generic bard dialectology, i hope to learn much more from your writing in the future

This was just a fun write again but bringing in a serious side in that the medical system is in trouble, probably caused by those in government that would love to make money from peoples ill health.
Thanks for your visit, I have fully recovered, well that's my opinion if only I could find the door with all this padding I would go home, lol Yours Ian.T
Thank you young man (I see you there)

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

This is a very enjoyable read with lots of tongue-in-cheek humor to spice it up! Great job!

Great to have you visit, Neopoet has become quiet of late probably room for a good workshop or two to raise the interest level.
I hope that life is treating you both well, just you know that we think of you, Yours Ian, and the children

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
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