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A place to go. (For Stan's CONTEST)

There in my way was a wooded glade
From virulent green to autumns shade
It arrived this morning as if newly grown
The trees many colours felt for me alone

The sky above a beautiful azure blue
What more crossed my path anew?
The afterlife was having a good laugh
A chuckle came infesting my new path

"We hear you within your troubled ways
You left the path of life for many days.
We have made a sanctuary for you to find
Where you can regain your peace of mind."

“Walk within our shade and be at peace,
“Here you can fathom what gives you grief”
A thousand things just crossed my mind,
They became sorted, rubbish left behind.

I felt much lighter as I walked around
I even noticed the flowers, and bird sounds
"The air seems clearer as I walked with you
My heavy load gone, so nothing was true?"

My thoughts brought tears to each day,
They couldn’t see how to be happy and play.
Why did those feelings from all of you
Festoon my heart with a weights untrue.

The children that helped me, said they knew,
Now I am free of not only me, but of you
They held me, letting all the badness fly,
No reason anymore, to just sit and cry.

"Thank you children" I thought on turning for home
Their laughter and love held me when alone,
Why couldn’t I see this simple way before?
They laughed again, with me, as I opened the door.

Saying” You think too much”

NB:- No trees were hurt in this peace J.S

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
With a reflection of a comment by Esker:- To me the forest is profane and humanity to excess in there.....the spiritual power enormous after a few minutes or hour in my little wood nearby...paths..cyclists..walkers..runners..always seeing or hearing others about up there.... still....its been saving my ass lately.. Although I haven't gone in almost two months.. Esker, This is for you to think on, I hope it holds up to your thoughts, Ian.T
Editing stage: 


word one
in that epicurials r not allowed
you will take away all Stan's invaluable time

we all will feel neglected

The start has been delayed a week or so, you have to read Stan's layout for a contest and now with the delay you have more time to prepare lol.
Yours Ian.

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Star Fallen

if I ain't mistaken
he has (to be)
having some problem
go help him

I think this is for the contest thing, not the upcoming workshop. If that's so I'd appreciate your editing the title Ian to say for contest. As is it's causing a bit of confusion..........stan

Yep it's for the contest type stream you were talking about so I have changed the title.
Thanks for putting me right on that one,
Yours Ian

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Ian with your usual way of talking about the beauty of the things especially the spirits of the children. I like how you've worded the whole thing. Some might thing the rhyme scheme is a bit singy songy but I like it as it rings almost like a lyric.
Good luck.


Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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Thank you yes I know it sounds a little songy but it is trying to be a lullaby to quell the stress we have sometimes, and I think you picked it up when reading.
Thanks for your visit, Yours Ian.x

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

I agree with Rula. This is an awesome write and matches the criteria i think set by Stan for the contest. the only line I feel you may want to tweak is

I had in my way brought tears to each day.

I think you are a strong contender for winning the contest.


raj (sublime_ocean)

This was a rough write , I have tweaked a few words here and there I hope it reads better now.
I am so sorry that I am at this moment unable to bring across the true feelings that they give me each day,
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
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