In stanza 1&2, I noticed that the end of the 1st line rhymes with the fourth line. In that last stanza it didn't follow the same pattern. "fate" doesn't rhymes with "break". Apart from that I think you did well.

Alid

what more can I say than perfect a job well done it was a plasure reading your re write

you keep amazing me with your skill and the ease with which you have transformed the Master's poem with your version keeping the essence in tact...if life would have allowed you to write poetry full time as a profession...surely you would have won many more laurels and fans...

Regards,,

From outside of the workshop, this is a well written piece, and is to your usual great standard of writing.
Your version made a twin of the first and was as good if not better understood.
Yours Ian..

Ask not again might also have worked. If I'm not mistaken the idea was to rewrite the poem as if you were writing it. Or at least as if Tennyson were writing now instead of then. Si in my opinion the only thing you really had to stay true to is the message conveyed which leaves a Lot of lee way in how something can be said. e.g.. line 1 could be Ask not again why the moon attracts the sea.
This has been a shop which requires a lot of thought hasn't it? lol. But had I not read Tenny's poem I'd have liked yours just fine....heck i like it just fine anyway . Thou hast done well.