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Tears of a rose
The saddest sight I ever saw
As I crossed the garden path
Were the tears of a rose as they hit the floor
Wondering when the sun would come back
The grass accepted this liquid love
The mouse drank deep from the pond
There were blackbirds and a robin in the tree above
Staying silent as a sign of their bond
For the rose was sad she had lost her smell
All her perfume washed down to the floor
And in its place in the garden by the dell
Was an all encompassing petrichor
Fear not said a deer as it walked down the lane
Past the gate where the rose was in bloom
We all see your beauty and witness your pain
This is only a shower in June
Tomorrow will bring the sun once again
And your peachskin petals will dry
Your fragrance again will be all that we smell
So hush pretty blossom don't cry
By Leanne Hogton
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Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-08-16 18:50
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Tears of a Rose," effectively utilizes vivid imagery and personification to create an emotional connection between the reader and the rose. The use of the rose as a metaphor for experiencing sadness and loss is a compelling choice, and the narrative of the rose's journey through this struggle is well-constructed.
However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The rhythm and meter of the poem are inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For example, the second stanza has a different syllable count and rhythm compared to the first stanza. Consistency in rhythm and meter can help to create a more harmonious reading experience.
Additionally, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the rose's emotions. While the sadness of the rose is clearly conveyed, a deeper exploration of this emotion could add complexity to the poem. This could be achieved through the use of more varied and specific language to describe the rose's feelings.
Lastly, the poem's resolution, where the deer reassures the rose, could be more impactful. The current resolution feels somewhat abrupt and could be developed further to create a more satisfying conclusion. For example, the deer could provide a more detailed explanation of why the rose should not worry, or the poem could explore the rose's reaction to the deer's words.
Overall, the poem has a strong foundation and with some refinement, it could be even more engaging and emotionally resonant.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Fri, 2023-08-18 23:03
This is lovely
Roses are my favorite flower! There is so much sentiment in this poem. I enjoy the story behind it as well.
~RoseBlack~