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Piercing rays of truth
The piercing rays of the solstice sun
Burning the truth into my heart
My decadent ways have my health on the run
Now is the time to start
Now is the time to watch my intake
I've a mountain I need to climb
I need my resolve as strong as I can make
If success is truly to be mine
In a few weeks I start my ascent
Starting treatment to cure the disease
Finding my focus is the first event
My thoughts are like leaves on the breeze
My resolve is strong I've battled before
Against enemies from inside and out
My head held high, my eyes to the fore
Yes now I'm ready for this next bout
By Leanne Hogton
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-06-30 16:12
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Piercing rays of truth" by Leanne Hogton effectively employs a metaphorical journey to communicate a personal struggle with health and the resolve to overcome it. The use of imagery, such as "piercing rays of the solstice sun" and "my thoughts are like leaves on the breeze," adds a layer of depth to the narrative.
However, the poem could benefit from more consistent rhythm and meter. The first two stanzas have a clear ABAB rhyme scheme, but the third stanza deviates from this pattern. Consistency in rhyme and rhythm can enhance the overall flow and musicality of the poem.
The theme of the poem is clear and relatable, but the language used to express it is somewhat clichéd. Phrases like "my resolve is strong" and "my head held high" are common in literature and may not provide a unique or fresh perspective to the reader. Experimenting with less conventional expressions could make the poem more engaging and impactful.
Lastly, the poem could further explore the emotions and experiences associated with the struggle. While the determination to overcome the disease is clearly conveyed, the feelings of fear, doubt, or hope that may accompany such a journey are not fully explored. Providing more insight into these emotions could add depth and complexity to the poem.
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