Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

the sun doses

perhaps she has no option
oooooo la la la la
wish her well from our side
there's nothing now left to hide
all rides are free for all of us
all that can well see
the sunrise is like an ebbing twilight
don't let it trouble,
thoughts wee ...

the darkness will soon be over
as the sunsets beyond the distant horizon
then the school's sweetheart will also say
darling follow me
the sun sets happily

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


liked this, the ideas , school's sweetheart, twilight, the originality of expression,
didn't like the 'thee' sort of broke the spell a bit, also the 'me' glee' rhyme is a bit tired.
Maybe you could build on what you've got, as its well worth it.
cheers from the antipods

sweet poem much enjoyed x

sueb to say it
thanks for your maiden visit
do come by,


author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.