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Storytelling in verse prayer “Well Day”

Thank you heavenly farther for this rarity. It's far and few between, but each and every one I'm blessed to receive is like sunrise in my eyes. A daybed is my friend as it's where I live out lonely days, though not bored, working online at Neopoet where all my real friends live around the world. So thanks again Almighty for this rare well-day as more ill-days is sure to come

Editing stage: 

Comments

Did I get them both. How is my grammar and typos? I'm ready for the next step I think 'panicky. Lol

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author comment

_Thank you heavenly farther for this rarity. It's far and few between, but each and every one I'm blessed to receive is like a sunrise in my eyes. A day bed is my friend as its [it's]
_ I can see the exposition, you are the only character, some others I think would appear later on as they seem to be still sleeping.
_ I can't see the complication, but you might like to point it out for me.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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thanks I appreciate your critique. I want to see what Wesley thinks before I reveal the other character that is obviously deeply vague

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

I know it has been such a long time and probably started with your baby watch days, but now you are expecting not to sleep and low and behold you don't sleep.
These all seem to be negative feelings coming from being positive in earlier days.
I hope that we can all get together and write such a boring piece of poetry that it will make you sleep lol.
I send you the silence of the owls wings and the softness of gossamer to rest your bones, be positive and sleep with the softness of being not the harshness of what others think you should be, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks Ian I'll like that.
Writing what going on with me at the moment to learn poetry writing forms better just might work.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

This seems to be the start of something quite profound.

Despite our deeply held disbeliefs in each others spirituaity you know there is something much stronger that draws us together. Not just your talent, courage and strength but a belief that life is worthwhile in itself.

With work and exposition, the addition of other characters and the basis of a story this could well hold a place in this workshop.

You could even offer myself (in disguised from) as a protagonist, though not an antagonist, we share too much pain and belief for that. I would be intrigued to see who the anatagonist is I. I hope it is not something as banal as Satan. I would encourage you to draw on your life experience to find a more complex character and develop that in perhaps an allegorical way to reveal the story.

You have revealed the outline of something that could be of true substance and I offer my support at every stage, even as antagonist [grins]

The basis, it seems to me, correct me if I'm wrong, are those blessed days of grace when free enough of pain we can create. Have I surmised this correctly?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

you have indeed surmised. I will need to figure out the antagonist. as this is so new to me. ha ha ha, since Satan is not an option who do you think the antagonist should be. I have many to choose from

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author comment

it's not even my workshop,
if you can make him an interesting character, like Lucifer the most beautiful of the fallen angels, why not?
I was merely suggesting that pure evil isn't very interesting.

By the way, my theology is a bit rusty. What is the difference between Satan and Lucifer, or Beelzebub for that matter? Different names for the same thing? Different fallen angels? Just curious. I stopped serious bible study at 14 when I realised that without Jesus all the Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims and everyone else would go to hell no matter how good they were because of original sin. That's when I realised the Christian god was evil.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

Everybody is going to hell, the good and the bad.
a careful study of the bible will tell you exactly what hell is and it ain't no burning fiery place where God throw all bad ppl to burn forever and ever. if God was that insensitive he would not be the loving God that he is. Satan Lucifer Beelzebub is a god also spreading that lie to blind the eyes of the unbeliever. ppl who don't believe in Jesus choose to make the bible unharmonious by choosing to follow their own way.. and God wont stop ppl from doing what they want until its his time to say enough is enough.
the original sin is the reason everybody die and go to hell, but Jesus is the reason everybody get to live again. He died and lives again. He set the example for us to follow but forces no one to follow him. You have a choice follow the true God or the antagonist Satan. Satan makes it easy to follow him by not requiring any good deeds in return. The true God though has requirement. A careful study of the bible reveals his requirements and they are not weighty or cumbersome. Satan is the one making everything cumbersome with his tactics to turn everybody away from the true God.

lets say a moment Satan is the reason I cant sleep, how would you word it and add it to here.

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author comment

If you pray to God, and he is real and can actually do anything, you would be able to sleep.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

God is more powerful than Satan. Right now Satan rules this world his way. God is not intervening in individual lives, like a mother doesn't intervene in the work of a surgeon cutting out the tonsil of their child when its needs to be remove. In his appointed time God will put a end to that antagonist Satan. At the moment man is ruling man. eventually, things will have to go back to the beginning when everything was good for man to be happy on this earth. that is, God ruling man and man living a happy peaceful life with animals and nature.
God does protect his faithful chosen ones spiritually. I've seen it happen in my life. I've always fear ghost goblins and demons and would never let a fortune teller touch me. since finding God, I've literally seen spirit medium look in my face and run in fear. I don't know what they see I'm just glad they leave me alone now, they were always asking to tell me something good.

and wanting to feel I have Gods approval is the only way I can stay with my husband and endure his unloving treatment, otherwise I'd be a bad memory for him. He want me leave my faith bc he has none. My faith keeps me with hope bc with or without faith in God the problems in this world still affect us like bad apples in a crate of good apples.
Jesus sacrifice himself to show ppl a perfect man can obey God no matter what ppl do to him, thereby replacing Adam as our first farther. God sacrifice Jesus his firstborn creation to rescue us from the original sin causing death which we were born with bc of Adam and eve.

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author comment

time to start telling the story in verse. I shall follow avidly.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

You the smartest man ever and I thought Wesley was the smartest man ever. Lol. Seriously, the way you both teach is very helpful for a learning challenge person as I am. I'm learning to write storytelling by two clever men. Let me see how I can write this in verse with all four elements. I'll need to put them where I can look at them as I write the story step by step.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

often considered unkind,
but generally effective.
Consider, the person on Neopoet to whom I have been most unrelentingly harsh, considers me as their mentor. You know of whom I speak.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

How is this for complication?
Thank you Heavenly Father for this rare moment. It's far and few between, but each and every one I'm blessed to receive is like the sunrise on my face. The daybed is where I live out my days rarely bored, I work online at Neopoet where my real friends are from around the world. This rare moment has me moving about taking advantage of activities I'm not able to perform most days. So, thanks Almighty for this well day as ill days is sure to come because your spirit son Lucifer, the most beautiful of all the heavenly angels wishes none to be well.

How is my grammar and typos.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

If the the lord intervenes, then how? Do you simply thank him for the good and blame the devil for the bad?
How is Lucifer beautiful? Physical beauty? Acts of beauty that produce evil results? And if the Prince of Lies, which lies? His art is surely the art of seduction, so how does he get to you? You really must acknowledge and challenge this or he would have no power over your life whatever. Perhaps another character, even from another pantheon, say Buddha, who can see through all the lies and power games and perceives all the illusions?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

a complex and fascinating deity of both creation and destruction.

And another though occurs to me. Have you ever written a play? Perhaps a verse-form dialogue between yourself and several deities? Just a thought.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

That's a whole other story. Getting complicated on top of complicated. Interestingly I never heard of shakti. I'll research her though

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

Hmm I watched a documentary on Buddha, but have limited understanding of their religeon what I did get from the documentary is sound.
and I found it useful. Think I'll stick to what I know. All religeon has some truth in it. They start from one known beginning the confusion Babylon when those speaking same language went off I to the world taking their religeon with them.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

Do Alll that go int the exposition and complication.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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I move the story along with those thoughts in mind

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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