Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Song Under The Pavilion

If you wish to know
The depth of this person's heart,
Allow this person
To pour you a cup of tea.
Now, with this meager talent,
I shall play you a tune
And accompany it with a song.

"In the farthest courtyard of the manor
A madam is combing her hair
In a room illuminated
By a candle light -
Her face a flower,
Lips sweet cherry,
Hair draped like a willow.
The flame flicks.
Her eyes show a gleam.
With a smile she looks towards the door -
Just a gust of wind.

She lets out a sigh
And puts down her comb.
She wipes away the rogue on her cheeks
And bites her lower cherry lip.
She blows the candle out
And goes under her quilt.
It is another cold night.
Perhaps, tomorrow will be warmer?"

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Been very busy in the real world. Anyway, I like the simplicity and calm flow if Chinese poems and I am very fond of them and their depth. Hence, the style of this poem. I often put myself in the shoes of the characters of my poems to "see" and "feel" what they feel. In this poem, I imagine myself as a songstress entertaining a lord under the pavilion and also serving him tea. It's a warmandtranquil afternoon. The pqvilion is on a man-made lake with lotus flowers blooming all around. That's the kind of scene I had in mind while writing this poem
Editing stage: 


I don't know how I have managed to miss you over this current period of works by yourself. I like the descriptiveness of this write and the subject is handled delicately. A true geisha, not one of the later variety.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy

(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.