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Immortal Overlooking The World (Version II)

Standing on a peak
of the highest mountain,
I sigh.
Donning a white robe
with my hair unbound,
I am now a lotus
blooming atop the mire.

I see the world with no disdain;
its enigma interest me not.
What is there to witness
if I once played a part?

Wine is sweet.
Life is bitter.
I'd rather be drunk
than sober.
Time is fleeting.
Youth is but a flower.
Why live in such state
If I can be wild and untethered?

Since love is a dream
and all songs must end,
Let me sing freely
And dream not.
When one ends,
I shall begin another
Until all love songs
in the mortal realm
are sung.

I shall watch all plays unfold
and none will pale in comparison
for each play
is a masterpiece of fate.
Life tragic or sweet,
A love unfulfilled or lasting,
A dream attainable
or a mere delusion -
None will escape my eyes
As I play the spectator
Far above.

These clear eyes
Are for the stage,
The nose
for the scent of spring,
Skin for the coolness
of water,
ears to listen
to the earth's tunes,
And tongue
to savor the flavors -
These are,
if you would ask,
the raison d'etre
of this vessel.
And from where I stand,
I shall witness
the changes
and the ebbs of time
as it crawls
to oblivion
and until eternity
is no more.
Before that time comes,
I will be idle -
free from worldliness
and only living for pleasue.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
You may be wondering why this is a version II. To answer, I wrote two poems with the same theme and similar writing and terminologies, except the first one has darker theme. This one is rather a laid-back one and very much lighter than the former.
Editing stage: 


someone has had a bad love affair. Of course, we all have, but I meant recently. I can only imagine how much darker that the first one might have been! Anyways, I liked it and was interested all the way through. Nice job at keeping the character's emotional equilibrium on an even keel. LOL
Just one crit. I would use the word [crawls] not hurries in the line that goes; " as it hurries to oblivion"
Hurries makes it sound as though it will be soon, as opposed to taking "forever" the way eternity is supposed to. maybe just me, use it or not, it's still a good work. ~ Geezer

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I will take your suggestion. It does appear contradictory to eternity.

Indeed. It was bad love affair and a dark passage of life. Now that darkness has come to an end, she has detached herself from all that weighs her down ^_^

Thank you

"Time is a sly one,
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

Your poem immediately reminded me of the many poems about drinking, but the way you presented the poem was most reminiscent of early Chinese Poetry. Here's a gem by Li PO (around 750) :


Holding a jug of wine among the flowers,
And drinking alone,
I raise my cup and invite the moon
to drink with me, and together
with my shadow
we are three.

But the moon doesn't know
the joy of drinking,
And my shadow only
follows me about.

Nevertheless they are my companions
For one should enjoy life
At such a time
The moon loiters as I sing my songs
My shadow looks confused as I dance.

I drink with them when I'm awake
I part with them when i am drunk.
May we always be feasting
Until we meet in the Cloudy Rivers of Heaven.*

*the Milky Way

Even though yours was a love poem, I was just more comparing the style and some of the messages. I liked your poem, and just wanted to share that with you.

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

You can say that my greatest inspirations when I write poem these days are the ancient Chinese poets and their works. Bai Yuji, Li Po, Du Fu, Wang Wei and poets in early Tang, Song, Han and Qin are my favorite. I try to imitate their styles and the tranquil flow of their words. However, I am still lacking in many areas and need a lot of improvement. No giving up, though!
Li Po actually inspired me to write a poem called "Drinking Under the Moonlight" and I posted it here using my old account, Gardenia. It was a fusion of Li Po's and Greek mythology. It was lacking in many aspects and I've been thinking of revising it and reposting it here.

Thank you ^_^

"Time is a sly one,
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

That my first reaction to your poem was that of Chinese poetry, and that I was such a big influence on you! I seemed to sense the connection, but it was just a guess.
I think we only get the essence with translation, there must be so much more to them- if i had another life time to spare I'd love to learn Chinese to get closer...also German to get closer to Rilke and Goethe. Russian would be nice too, I hear Pushkin is great. I just have French and Spanish.
You do the best you can...
Happy to share!

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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