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A Letter to Emily

In her bedroom is her white dress,
As white as that of a virgin snow.
In those moments before the night,
Dressed in white, she basked in the afterglow.

Her world was so simple -
Her home and her dearest garden.
She took her afternoon walks there like
An apparition or an angel of Eden.

Perhaps, it was where
She would write letters to the World
And share with Her Majesty
Secrets and stories she sweetly told.

Seasons passed like pages flipped.
She waited still
For a letter that might never come
And only poetry could fill
The empty cup of her days.

Time caught her and she grew tired
Of playing the game of life and irony,
Perhaps with a bitter smile, left for a better place -
Leaving nothing but poetry.

Did she depart believing
The World would never write back
Or did she do so thinking
The Postman might have lost his track?

"This is a letter from the World",
Cries the Postman at her gate.
Yet no one stirs to open the door
For he has finally arrived, yet a little too late.

Who would read the letter of the World?
Not a single soul would dare,
For it was between her and Emily -
The secrets only they could share.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I have to emphasize that I haven't written poems for such a long time and I am currently "rehabilitating" my writing skills. Let me know what you think about it. Your thoughts, opinions, criticism and suggestions are very much appreciated. Thanks to everyone for the encouraging comments, suggestions and many more!
Editing stage: 

Comments

That whole verse could be left out and I don't think it would matter much. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

Now that you mentioned it, it doesn't seem to fit well. I will do as you suggested. Thank you.

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

you are serious about improving and if you would like; I have a couple of more suggestions.

Here are the the changes that I would make:

1] cries the postman at her gate
2] yet no one stirs to open the door
3]replace the word [nary] with [not]

I really liked the theme of this one and understand it well. So many people never see their work recognized in their lifetime. ~ Geezer.
.

Of course you are free to use any, all or none of these suggestions as that is what they are, just suggestions.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

I love your suggestions! I overlooked some grammatical inconsistencies there too. Thank you so much!

Sadly, such is the life of artists. Few are blessed enough to receive the world's recognition, but many are still unknown and perhaps, will never be known in their lifetime.

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

I enjoyed reading.
I also liked imagery.
And the ending was well balanced with the beginning.

IRiz

Thank you. One of my biggest challenges as a poet is the balance. Most of my works I notice seem to fall shortly on it. I am still working on it. Because of the Neopoet community, I have learned so much and I owe it to all of you to take your time to read and help me not only with my works, but also with me as a novice. I still have a lot to learn and I know under the guidance of everyone here, there will be a bountiful harvest.

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

...this needs some juice.

p.s. i'll be at the back of the stage at lights out, exclamation mark. smiley face.

v
x

...i'm that kinda fella.

p.s. love the name bytheway. what's yours, question mark. inquisitive face.

It was originally a rather long poem, but after trimming and revisions (and after exhausting my short-lived poetic spike), it came out as such. You are right about it being too tight and loose. I knew there were elements missing and some of them were from those stanzas and lines I cut. Sadly, I could not continue this poem at all no matter how hard I tried. I guess I really ran out of inspiration and ideas (a tragedy in the world of writing). It is a big crime to publish a work unfinished, but maybe when that inspiration comes back, I will revise this arduously

Thank you!.

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

For some reason I thought this piece was crying out a beauty of an image held over a time, then it outlasted that time in another sphere.
Lovely write well done,
Yours as always Ian..x

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

That was the very idea I had when I wrote this poem. Actually, two... The ironic twist of fate and the beauty that once existed.

Thank you!

"Time is a sly one,
See?
In a blink of an eye,
It is gone."

author comment

It is a wonderful story in verse which held me captive from start to finish which also had elements of mystery..climax and anti-climax....a pleasure read..
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raj (sublime_ocean)

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