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small poem

we are naked in the kitchen, lip to cheek
I am white as pearl, soft with sleep
toast burns, but on the floor

sand glitters diamonds-

memory of ocean, long bleached ribs of beach
your wind dried body, complexity of male
wrapped deep around my pale

translucent peace

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


I called this 'small poem' because I have gathered 'love' and stuff makes critics hide! I have a lot of rich themes coming off this one for other poems. Took a lot of lines away because I wanted it to be small, just a moment in time.

Jenifer Jaspa James

author comment

Was nice but perhaps you should PM?

of masculinity *
women love to suffer

great small one
will compensate a weaklings....

*****complexity of male
wrapped deep around my pale


Loved that even more!

It is so dangerous to do much in the kitchen, but I suppose the extra danger adds spice to things and that's where we keep the spice, good fun write, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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