Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Sexy lies the dawn...

Sexy lies the dawn
as It holds
my longing eyes,
surely but slowly
you alone seem to fill the gap
between me and the rising sun

you burn me more
than would the fireball
that too
from a far off distance
as I feel your nearness and warmth
much more

our bodies collide and graze
sparks emblaze
as the fire works
put down the sun
this dawn becomes the loveliest morn

I feel you within
but then when the sea rushes in
my dawn is not born
the sun has shone
and you have seemingly gone along

but your breath I can still feel
upon my neck
the dawn has gone
so has the sweetest morn

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


Memories are cruel sometimes but if fiction then a damn good write.
The Second line needs to be sorted as you can only have one dawn:-
Sexy lies the dawn
The dawn arrives (It holds my longing eyes)
or something like this,
Two Dawns are too much you should have seen the first one lol, she was a bag lady just outside a distant supermarket, (Only joking),
Keep up these good writings they are what it is all about,
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

in a form so clean shaven
and so from my side
a huge welcome
I have sliced the dawn
into pieces
it is all but imaginary


author comment

Wow this was a corker, a well chosen analogy,
the only thing was you say fire works, not sure
what you could mean other than fireworks?

This line seemed a little clumsy to read rhythm-wise:-
"from that great a distance,"

Ian's "memories are cruel..." I think the memory of such a moment
could be almost as good as newly experienced in the moment, now.
And there's always more to come, until we are no more...even if there
is no more than one present., we can dream!


"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

that too from a far of distance ..
should do


author comment

Fantastic! Best yet and I absolutely love the title!

Just Wow!

Love Mand xxxxx

u raise my level


author comment

u raise my level


author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.