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Sex and Poetry Writing

Where's the love in you
The love you claim belongs to me
When I fall for your convincing lies 
You shrink back leaving me high and dry

 I gave you my heart, you threw me a bone
A bare bone, lacking flavor
Just as I began to put the past behind me
Your vicious cycle of contempt tires me

I won't toss my safety net 
My zone of friends that love me
I keep it all inside, the joys I reap
From writing poetry, staying true, free

Writing poetry should never be better
Than sex

Editing stage: 

Comments

after learning what a asexual is. I never discern asexual before now
Thank for the suggestion I will work on those no for better flow.

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author comment

if writing poetry keeps you in your comfort zone, you are not writing poetry.

I tend to agree with the sentiment, the feeling after writing my best poetry is better than after the worst sex.

Nicely written.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

if it is not poetry then what do you call it seriously,was trying to find a concept that would work better. I just settled for comfort zone.

Yep good sentiment

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author comment

poetry is supposed to be agonised over, apparently. Not an idea I actually subscribe to.

Perhaps you could come up with something better than comfort zone.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

The answer is no.
But, of course, I'm a guy, heehee.
This is a joy to read, hard and solid, no punches pulled, and painful in its hurting.

I would only add to Beauregard's critique by saying that the last line of the third stanza might improve with a re-write.

Always good to read you, Barb.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

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Thanks Jim I appreciate your suggestion and glad you like it,
But When some says my poetry needs a rewrite I tend to leave as is unless they tell me what or why it need change.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

specific suggestions.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

i appreciate and have made the changes. Thanks to Jim I realize how bad the last line was after rereading. I have rewritten it.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

I like this one very much the only thing i would say needs a tweak are the first two lines of the second stanza.

I presume the second line has a double meaning, and that works , but i feel it would be better to say something like ' you throw me a bone, a meaningless favour,' or ' you throw me a bone, stripped bare, nothing to savour'.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

i like your suggestions and will makes changes

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

The whole universe revolves around sex

'' I gave you my heart, you threw me a bone
a bare bone, lacking flavor'''

Just excellent it inspires and fires.

loved

true sex get people in a lot of trouble
Thanks for liking it

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

take credit
of my poem
composed with ur quotes
thanks

loved

all these verses came from me

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

Didn't read all comments but you could maybe try safety zone instead of comfort zone.And good sex trumps good poetry because one can Always read good poetry lol............stan

bad sex tuen you attention to writing good poetry or even reading It lol
Thanks for the suggestion

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

this one before
and your question to me
now confronts me
which poetry did i compose
after being inspired by yours...
i shall have to axe my mind
to dig it out perhaps I may.

loved

thanks for reading glad to inspire

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
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author comment

thanks 2 uuuuuuuuuuuuu

loved

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