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Saying Farewell to my useless Palm Tree

Ah, useless palm that stood in front
of my ranch style home!
Today I watched you depart,
uplifted by a mighty crane as tough
you were a twig in my puppy’s jaw.

Farewell, you pineapple palm
that never bore a single fruit that you
were named after. Scornfully, I called you
“the pigeon drop,” which was
no misnomer. A dozen dirty birds
used you as a bombing platform
from which they targeted me.
coo roo-c'too-coo.

My landscaper hated you; climbing up
to clip your fan-shaped fronds
had become a chore for that strapping
young fellow and forced me,
an octogenarian, to scale your height
of 25 feet, notwithstanding wasps
and agitated saber-tooth pigeons,
all meaning to extract their pound of skin
and flesh from my aged body.
coo roo-c'too-coo.

Now, only a 6-foot hole remains
where your bulbous root once freely drew
countless gallons of water, depriving me
of a much needed baths and showers.

A dealer in palm trees paid me
250 bucks to haul you away . . .
all the way to Florida.
coo roo-c'too-coo.

Imagine that—from Arizona
all the way to Florida!
Pineapple palm and pigeons--gone!
coo roo-c'too-coo.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Palms in Arizona? You betcha. True Story.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


I wonder how old was your Palm pineapple-tree. I won't cut it off if it were mine, trees, especially huge ones are never compensatable. Poor birds!
Enjoyable read as always.


Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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little story, that tickled my fancy. Pigeons! I think of them as food for the hawks around our town. We used to have thousands of them in our downtown, until the importation of a number of hawks who find them tasty. Between the hawks and placing barbs on many of the structures where they roosted; we have made them much less a nuisance! Palm trees of any kind don't survive here, due to the climate, but I'm sure that in your desert home, they must stick out like a finger from the palm! LoL
Now, you can use that two hundred and fifty bucks, to line that hole with some good plastic-liner and fill it with water for a swimming hole! [Which will afford you those badly needed baths!] Two pigeons killed with one stone! ~ Geez.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

poor birds? lol! I wouldn't mind songbirds nesting in that palm, but pigeons? Such awful messes they make. I'm a stickler for cleanliness. But, Rula, I'm glad you could see the humor in my ordeal. Oddly enough, there are buyers for mature palm trees. I replaced mine with an orange tree. Thanks for laughing, dear. Jerry

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hawk food? Yes, indeed. One of my neighbors shot some 65 pigeons on one day, but the next day they were replaced by newcomers. I don't have the heart to kill them; I rather remove their nesting site, my palm tree. So, when the buyer rang my door bell and offered to buy my palm--you betcha, I jumped at the chance. Coo roo-c'too-coo! Thank you,
sir. Jerry

author comment

Hi, Jerry,
A humorous look at your poor palm tree - much enjoyed. Thank goodness there will be no more scaling 25 feet into the depths of its palms. I sense no love lost, but it is kinda sorta cool that it's moving to Florida!
Thank you!

yeah, it was kinda cool to see that tall sucker loaded up on a long trailer and the man hand me my check for 250 bucks, and haul ass all the way to Tampa, Florida. No tears were shed on my part, but two dozen pigeons were flapping confusedly around my house, cooing to beat the band--but I had hardened my heart to their plight. Thank you, Lavender; and now I can afford to buy my wife a bottle of Lavender perfume and make believe it was she that wrote your nice comment, as she crosses my path lamenting the absence of the palm that had provided the kitchen
with shade. Thanks again. Jerry

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