Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
S L O T * * * T A N G E R I N
basil limp
a fan stirs
across the ribbon current
a highway crouchs
I can taste the cherise
a kiss lent
beneath descendants
across strata
a patina horse
nudges in joshua tree
shadows
limitless desire
Last few words:
For "p"
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
pleiades
Mon, 2013-03-04 22:42
how spooky is this?
how spooky is this?
it's stinking hot here...i've just come in
from the decking after ferrying all my plants
into shade...my poor old basil plant is limp
from the heat
back inside, i turn on the ceiling fan...
then, i turn on the pooter to visit neo, and the first
thing i read is your poem...
"basil limp
a fan stirs" !
(are you hiding in my house somewhere?)
i absolutely love this...and i'm not even too
sure why! it just speaks to me
beneath descendants
across strata...these lines stand out to me
time and distance
happenstance, or fate?
not important
there's something very pulling about
this write
it's layered
i feel it is what it is, yet scratch its surface,
and a number of scenarios come tumbling out
i get something different from it each time
i read it
you are so good with words...truly
you never "tell"...you always "show"...
and the reader often sees more than they imagined they would
LOVE you and this
x
Esker
Tue, 2013-03-05 05:02
I think we are on a wavelength sometimes...
Happens with people who have a limitless affinity
of exchange
I say exchange..like the weather it is a season of
wealthy and despair at times
like moods it swells and ebbs
and is moving as eucalyptus ghosts
and P the poem is dedicated to you..
Spooky...I like that....
thank you..........
Ross Hamilton Hill
Mon, 2013-03-04 23:53
the short sentences made me
the short sentences made me search for meaning which made me attend the poem and drew me in
my only crits, I'd like to see the 2 line stanzas maintained to the end and I don't like 'limitless', too abstract, like eternal or infinite, nothing for the mind to grab onto compared to the rest of the poem which takes you from one image to the next.
Esker
Tue, 2013-03-05 05:00
In response to your enquiry....
"limitless" ode to a DOORS song...I included that lyric word...
was listening to this song when I wrote the poem....
Thank You!