Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

S L O T * * * T A N G E R I N

Submitted by Esker on Mon, 2013-03-04 22:16

basil limp
a fan stirs

across the ribbon current
a highway crouchs

I can taste the cherise
a kiss lent

beneath descendants
across strata

a patina horse
nudges in joshua tree
shadows

limitless desire

Last few words: 
For "p"
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

pleiades

Mon, 2013-03-04 22:42

how spooky is this?
it's stinking hot here...i've just come in
from the decking after ferrying all my plants
into shade...my poor old basil plant is limp
from the heat
back inside, i turn on the ceiling fan...

then, i turn on the pooter to visit neo, and the first
thing i read is your poem...
"basil limp
a fan stirs" !
(are you hiding in my house somewhere?)

i absolutely love this...and i'm not even too
sure why! it just speaks to me

beneath descendants
across strata...these lines stand out to me
time and distance
happenstance, or fate?
not important

there's something very pulling about
this write
it's layered

i feel it is what it is, yet scratch its surface,
and a number of scenarios come tumbling out
i get something different from it each time
i read it

you are so good with words...truly

you never "tell"...you always "show"...
and the reader often sees more than they imagined they would

LOVE you and this

x

Esker

Tue, 2013-03-05 05:02

Esker's picture

Happens with people who have a limitless affinity
of exchange

I say exchange..like the weather it is a season of
wealthy and despair at times

like moods it swells and ebbs
and is moving as eucalyptus ghosts

and P the poem is dedicated to you..

Spooky...I like that....

thank you..........

author comment

Ross Hamilton Hill

Mon, 2013-03-04 23:53

Ross Hamilton Hill's picture

the short sentences made me search for meaning which made me attend the poem and drew me in
my only crits, I'd like to see the 2 line stanzas maintained to the end and I don't like 'limitless', too abstract, like eternal or infinite, nothing for the mind to grab onto compared to the rest of the poem which takes you from one image to the next.

Esker

Tue, 2013-03-05 05:00

Esker's picture

"limitless" ode to a DOORS song...I included that lyric word...
was listening to this song when I wrote the poem....
Thank You!

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.