remember
being broken by funerals -
memorials -
homes guttered with ash -
fences, sheds, lives broken, collapsed -

lost dogs starving-

I wept - crow-garbed-
longing to wear red -
boots, silk, bracelets and blouses -
fripperous skirts hemmed with joyful intent -

dresses for dancing, not endless death -

remember that long gulp of alcohol,
in the pause between weeping -
and inevitable cake

and round faced women
who understood grieving -

I was so empty, shaping wreaths
in gardens,
pulling branches through circles,
weaving ivy, ribbon and thread,

sewing in sea shells, tiny bells -

choked on breathlessness -

remember screaming in forests
in gullies, rocks, on dry riverbeds -
fucked by the outrage, the dying -
adrift and bereft -

remember you told me -

be silent :

write about nice things,
pretty things,

just help us all

to forget