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Knows how to leap
To grass where my muse creates.
Be my forever dance partner.
Let's play.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


Wonderfully whimsical, a great way to introduce yourself !


Looking forward to reading more of your work.

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Thanks Ray -- I just read Black Jaguar and I am clearly in the presence of someone who I could learn from.

author comment

I prefer the original version.

What's interesting is the last line "Carry me away" is an artifact from another poem that I had pasted in first. The odd amazing thing is that it still works -- okay I will change it back. The hand of God wanted to add another line...

author comment

Nahhh man, You do it your own way,,,, I wouldn't want to step on gods toes .

Would you mind posting the "Original" ,,,, "Original" version here in the comments section? the one with rabbits in the title!
its just for comparison to see how its evolved.

Cheers, Obi.

I get it now! I had originally posted a poem called "Dancing With Rabbits". Then I decided to change it to a different poem about rabbits "Rejoice"

They are different poems -- I will post that one today.

author comment

There are a lot of good things here and I think the poem could lend itself to lots of forms. I think this particular version would be stronger without lines 3 & 4. To me, a rabbit knowing how to leap, in itself, suggests the creative force, so I don't need it explained to me in the next line. The fourth line, takes me away from the experience and into the author's own thoughts. When I think of rejoicing, I think of an experience that is a loss of self-consciousness so a line that places me into the author's self-consciousness doesn't fit quite right. The title is great - it adds to the meaning, not just repeating something about it.

Thank you! Let me chew on this... What if it was two stanzas where the second one looks at the losing of the author's self consciousness and the first one looks at the creative force?

author comment

There is nothing wrong with the poem. I'm just sharing my perspective as additional ideas that you can use or not, to your liking. We all have our own voice.

Yes for sure -- I appreciate the feedback and will keep it intact. Will consider such advice for future poems

author comment


A wriggled nose invitation
To dance into myself.
A shout of joyous salvation

Dappled skin;
What a grin!

With a slant and a sway
The happy whiskers
Carry me away.

author comment
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