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Rain on my feet

Rain on my head,
Makes me think clearer;
Rain on a tin rooftop,
Music to my ear;
Thunder roaring,
ever louder, no fear;

Birds sing in the treetops,
Under dark rain clouds;
And my feet tingle wet
In the steady downpour.

Editing stage: 

Comments

Good to see you. The poem truly created the mood of rain. Where I am we are eagerly awaiting the first showers.
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raj (sublime_ocean)

It’s been raining here everyday since last week

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author comment

I was caught in the rain and found myself sitting in a doorway next to another person, watching the storm pass. Very nice! Little typo; feet [are] soaking wet.~ Gee.
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I went outside outside to enjoy a cool morning breeze and the birds chirping. After reclining in my red lawn chair I notice the clouds were dark and sense it was gonna rain. So I said I’ll enjoy until it starts. Not 5 minutes out, I felt the rain was coming and looked up at the shy. tho rain hadn’t start to fall yet, I feel overshadowed by the rain cast. I was good about the rain and said it’s coming so I put my red basket of stuff (iPhone, books, writing pad, iPad, charger, pens and skin so soft for bugs, etc) in the house and sat down in the doorway on a pillow with my feet on the cinder block step I made as the rain started falling and wrote this poem as I was listening to voices of nature.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

Long time no read. Love this polished little gem. Cant see anything I'd change. Take care my friend.

Love J xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Glad you stopped by. Happy you enjoyed it. It was a spur of the moment write. Take care also

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

I had to check my socks to see if they were dry lol. They say we're gonna get rain for the next week so it's a good thing it's warm.......stan

Always enjoy your visits. Yes it’s been raining everyday. It’s not too bad tho its not like it’s hurricanes. Lol. The rain really feels good and keeps things nice and cool, not so humid dry and dusty.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

and
one has to remain indoors
and
the best of all it rains
comes and goes
and
no one knows
from whence
and
where it comes
and
how to where it goes

sun comes and dries it all up
and
before the road is dry
rain comes up again
natural road cleaning by nature
only keeps MAYORS GLEAMING
and
what ever along with perks
goes..
Bless the rains
I suppose

Nicer rendition to my rain poem

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

4 ur Writes

Thank the heavens
NO RAIN
now comes
it's bright sunlight
there will be the sun
also at night
much after twilight
say midnite

Thanks for sharing you poetic commentary

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

concerning the form. The first stanza has the last 3 lines rhyming. The second stanza breaks the meter established in the first. an idea...

Rain on my head makes me think clearer;
Raindrops on a tin rooftop, music to my ear;
Thunder roaring, ever louder, no fear;

Birds sing in the treetops under dark clouds
and my feet tingle wet in the steady downpour.

clouds and DOWNpour is a slant rhyme, but is ok I think. But here I have tried to establish a more coherent meter for the whole poem.

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

My rhymes are intentional but as I’m known to be meter illiterate I’ll fall away and leave as is when I have to try hard to form the rest.
Thanks for the meter lesson and suggestions

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

Good revisions Barbara

raj (sublime_ocean)

Glad you like it

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

a pleasant read. i like the rhyme in the first stanza and agree with eumolpus that it would feel more complete with a rhyme in the second. this poem put a smile on my face. (i love the rain!)

Glad you like it. Thanks for the suggestion

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment
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