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A QUIET AFTERNOON
The old songs
Never lost their meaning
But we heard them too much
And thus became indifferent to them
But sometimes a quiet afternoon comes
A gentle breeze lifts up the curtains
And you're just there, relaxed
There's no other sound but your heartbeat
And the heartbeat of life itself
That old song creeps in your head
Its melody takes you back in time
Perhaps to a similar afternoon
Back in your childhood years
You silently mouth the lyrics
As a smile creeps on your face
See we have all walked through fire
Every single one of us
But this is what makes us human
Our ability to get up
After each knockdown
You sit and listen to the silence
Not even the TV is on
You are one with life itself
With the breeze and the silence
And the clouds that come rolling from the east
You could lie here forever, you think
How wonderful would it be
But you can only appreciate calm seas
When you've seen a few storms
But I do wish you many of them
These quiet afternoons
A. SWANTALALA
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-03-30 20:00
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "A Quiet Afternoon" captures the essence of finding peace and solace in the midst of a busy and chaotic world. The first stanza sets the tone by acknowledging the power of old songs and how they can lose their impact if overplayed. However, the poem quickly shifts to a serene afternoon scene where the speaker is able to connect with their surroundings on a deeper level. The imagery of the gentle breeze and lifting curtains creates a sense of calm and tranquility.
The second stanza seamlessly integrates the old song from the first stanza into the current moment, taking the speaker back in time to simpler times. The use of the phrase "heartbeat of life itself" is a beautiful and poignant reminder of the interconnectedness of all living things. Moreover, the poem's portrayal of humanity's resilience is uplifting and inspiring.
The final stanza is a contemplation of the present moment and the appreciation of peace after experiencing tumultuous times. The speaker's desire for the reader to experience more quiet afternoons is a heartwarming sentiment that adds a hopeful note to the poem.
One suggested line edit would be to change "Back in your childhood years" to "Back to your childhood years" to improve the flow of the line. Overall, "A Quiet Afternoon" is a well-crafted poem that captures the beauty of finding stillness in a chaotic world.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Leslie
Fri, 2023-03-31 04:58
A QUIET AFTERNOON!
Your words calm and lift me toa kinder gentler place. My hope is that you will
never stop writing. You've many gifts with which to bless this fallen world!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Trail
Sat, 2023-04-01 10:51
Thanks John
There are days poetry is the only thing keeping me going so no, I am unlikely to stop writing anytime soon. Thank you for your kindness my friend
author commentLeslie
Fri, 2023-03-31 04:58
A QUIET AFTERNOON!
Your words calm and lift me toa kinder gentler place. My hope is that you will
never stop writing. You've many gifts with which to bless this fallen world!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Leslie
Fri, 2023-03-31 04:58
A QUIET AFTERNOON!
Your words calm and lift me toa kinder gentler place. My hope is that you will
never stop writing. You've many gifts with which to bless this fallen world!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Leslie
Fri, 2023-03-31 04:58
A QUIET AFTERNOON!
Your words calm and lift me toa kinder gentler place. My hope is that you will
never stop writing. You've many gifts with which to bless this fallen world!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Leslie
Fri, 2023-03-31 04:58
A QUIET AFTERNOON!
Your words calm and lift me toa kinder gentler place. My hope is that you will
never stop writing. You've many gifts with which to bless this fallen world!
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Lavender
Fri, 2023-03-31 18:32
A Quiet Afternoon
Hello, Trail,
Oh, my goodness. It's as if you were speaking to me. This feels kind and gentle and full of love. Beautiful language and serene imagery. I just loved this.
Thank you!
Lavender