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Pretility

Submitted by docmaverick on Thu, 2011-10-20 07:01

I met someone so lovely
just, the other night;

she was sort of a princess
at least, I think I've got that right.

Then, there was a distinct prettiness
to which, we'd all adhere;

supposedly to erase the mess
of which, I'm not real clear !

We all go on our journeys
of that, you can depend;

rarely do we get an inkling
if we ever earn a friend.

'Tis we, ourselves that edit
by what we say, and what we do;

through all the grey, we make our way;
to prove what we think, true.

And after all the hoop-lah
and when all is said, and done;

cling fast, to all the laughter
that's how we know the battles, won !

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Thu, 2011-10-20 08:18

weirdelf's picture
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we've been sort of working together for years now, at least that's how I think of it. I hope I've been some help to you during that time. I know I've shamefully ignored a lot of your work lately, forgive me, I glance in and see these jingly rhymes and 'inspirational' themes and just walk away.

You deserve better. You are better. Do me a favour? Try a new poem without rhyme. I remember some of your best work was when you got an idea and wrote it with the music in the language, not the rhyme, and the ideas more fully explored without lyrical constraints.

I know you have trouble getting time online at the moment, but if you get a chance drop in to the workshop on rhyme and have a look at the stuff on assonance and consonance, I think you would find it valuable.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

docmaverick

Fri, 2011-10-21 07:01

docmaverick's picture

...I may have to start noting in the title area, when I post a free-verse poem. The one before, and the one after "Pretillity" are such poems. Maybe you could help me in that area.
thanx,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

author comment

weirdelf

Fri, 2011-10-21 08:19

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

oops,
I shall have to pay more attention,
sorry

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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