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PAST GLORY

Submitted by t. reflexion on Tue, 2013-01-01 15:35

In the spheres before time began to tick
Man occupied a crowned glorious estate
Man-god, he could do almost anything
He fell and lost his place in paradise

Most children basked in reflected glory
Of love and protection of their parents
Good old days, a dream in far away land
Before the final walk out of Eden

Lonely journey, this man must undertake
Each step forward is a return to source
His purpose, to secure safe homecoming
As he gropes the dark forest of errors

Our trials fill the blank pages of life
In the book of man, and book of nature
We write on them with our actions each time

Every passing day we live here on earth

Dwell not in the glories of our forebears
Take the right first step when a duty calls
To that which your might and strength can carry
Feed not the ego with a false sense pride

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Tue, 2013-01-08 02:52

Ian.T's picture
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This is fine, the theme is good and obviously has religious meanings, these are OK if spoken in church on a Sunday, just take care of the subject matter, full on religious works really have to be excellent to cover all types of people, Yours Ian.T

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There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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